Adventures with "Sponge Ted Drunk Pants"

This is funny on so many levels. If I was a conspiracy theorist, I would say this couldn’t possibly be an accident. Since I’m not, I personally can think of a few perfectly legitimate reasons for Ted to remain on the no fly list.

1. Ted is a terrorist determined to destroy our country, which he has demonstrated through his policy positions over his Senate tenure.
2. If anyone in addition to Ted books a flight, the plane automatically exceeds its weight limit and becomes a navigation hazard.
3. He can’t fit in the aisle.
4. He also can't fit in the bathroom, and given his capacity for "the liquids", he creates a drowning hazard.

5. Not enough liquor bottles, food, or seat belt extensions available to the airline.
6. He might explode in a depressurized cabin. Death by fast moving lard is not a pretty way to go.

I especially amused by the article’s last sentence. I didn't know he even knew there was a little guy, both literally and figuratively.


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