An Open Letter To American Express

Dear American Express,

You don't know me, and I don't know you. Yet for the past 20 years at irregular intervals you have besieged me with correspondence about how we should get better acquainted. In all that time, you have probably sent me hundreds of pages explaining how wonderful you are. Frankly, it bothers me a little bit that you are so needy that you harass random strangers trying to get them to have a relationship with you.

In any event, out of all the correspondence you have sent me over the years, sooner or later it would have dawned on you that I have never, not once, responded to any of your letters. At some point, it must have occurred to you that I'm not interested. Yet you still keep sending me extravagant promises of how my life will be better if I pay you money so I can spend my own money. Or is there something I'm missing in there about what, exactly, you'll do for me?

No matter. Whatever you think it is you have to offer, I don't want. Please quit sending me letters. Thanks.


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