Another Day, Another Disaster

Seriously, who here thinks the possibility of a law named after everybody's favorite tumor-ridden drunk being actually worthwhile or constitutional is greater than zero? Anybody?

Well, good to see we're not teaching the slow class today. I refer, of course, to the recently signed and enacted Edward M. Kennedy Serve America Act. The act authorizes the spending of 5.7 billion dollars to train bartenders in the proper mixing of a scotch and soda. Oh, wait, I am apparently mistaken on the meaning of serve in this context. Given the association with Teddy, it was a natural mistake on my part. It has nothing to do with alcohol and everything to do with encouraging volunteerism by handing out oodles of federal money. Personally, I think training bartenders might be more useful. In any event, Nick Gillespie has far more to say about the crapulence than me, and is a wee tad bit more eloquent besides.

The news comes out about the same time as the shocking... wait, that's not right. Need a little more emphasis here. The SHOCKING! news states are not actually able to track the stimulus money being thrown around so casually by the n00b and his enablers in Congress. So the obvious solution is more money. That's right, MORE MONEY! As much as I disliked Matthew Lesko and everything that led to his scam, he's definitely a small time carny fleecing the rubes in Flyover Country compared to this lot. My hero has the best take on it all.

Lunacy, with Bonuses!

So, the n00b woke up and realized that he looked like a fool and decided to speechify and remove all doubt.

Let me sum up the current AIG mess in my own inimitable fashion. We have here a collection of ignuts who managed to take one of the largest insurance companies in the world and drive it into the ground like a fucking tent peg. The head ignut was swapped out twice within the past year because of said contact with the earth. In an attempt to forestall the cascade of poo that would have resulted from AIG going tits up, your federal government handed them a staggering amount of money. Because the Congress (of whom the n00b was a member at the time) didn't want to engage in some sober, considered reflection on how to disburse $150 billion dollars, they basically gave it to the ignuts and said "Don't go broke again!" Strangely, this did not result in the kind of results Congress expected. Instead, the ignuts in charge of AIG handed out bonuses. Congress, in a valiant and so-far successful attempt to distract the public from their complicity in the bonus payments, pitched a wobbler.

Now, I neither know or care whether these guys deserve their bonuses. I do know it is not the business of the Congress to intervene in my relationship with my employer because a bunch of ignuts in DC do not like my pay structure. By extension, they shouldn't be doing it to AIG. Some on the idiot side of the debate have been squalling and screaming that it's the taxpayer's money and shouldn't be going to bonuses. News flash: once AIG took the money, it ain't the taxpayer's anymore. Here's another news flash: the time to extract conditions on the use of the money is before you hand it over, not after. Third news flash: when you enable poor behavior, you like like a hypocritical, sanctimonious imbecile for complaining about the very behavior you enabled. Given that trifecta of newsiness, Congress, Timmy the Tax Cheat, and the n00b all need to STFU about the issue. But I'm betting they won't

I am informed the Congress will be holding hearings on why the Tooth Fairy has failed in her obligation to prop up the economy next. It'll be at least as useful as anything they're currently doing. I also feel compelled to point out the proper solution for all this was to let AIG go bankrupt, cascade of poo notwithstanding. However, your elected representatives did not agree with me, which comes as a great surprise to us all, doesn't it?

No Wonder There's So Many Tourists

Today, in odd news, I learn that bestiality is not illegal in Florida. The previous statute was struck down for being overbroad. Wait, what? Somehow, I suspect I don't really want to know.

I also learned at least one Florida senator is a certifiable moron.