Open Note to Retailers...Dedicated to Guitar Center

So, it appears in our spare time (between 2-3a), we're going to take up electric guitar. We decided that Guitar Hero is an absolute waste of space, we can push buttons, let's learn a craft. T has an old one that's he's taken apart and is going to need a lot of work, and I don't have one at all, so we decided to do our homework and get some gear.

Imagine the glee when we found that Guitar Center is running tax day specials, (since we'd have to purchase, at minimum 2 guitars and an amp) that we could get up to $100 off our order, because hobbies ain't cheap, bitches. Well, decent musical instruments aren't anyway. I played bassoon for over a decade; ever price one of those things? Hint: you could buy a car.

Note to retailers, if you run a sale, then exclude everything from such sale, it's not a sale, but a gimmick. Exactly ONE of my items qualified. They had a note on their website that if you had exclusions, call them. So, I'm thinking, given the size of this order since this stuff is excluded, you might cut me a little break, yeah?

HELL NO. Basically, the Customer Service Rep told me that once she keyed in everything (manually), there might be specials that aren't online advertised. So, I asked, "you're not going to make me redo this order manually with you, and spend 20 minutes out of my life before you tell me there are no special deals, when I can just do this one I've already got online in a couple of minutes?" She assured me, "defnitely not", that there are deals that they can't run online.

The short of it, is that she lied. I spent 20 minutes doing a phone order, there were no special deals, and the thanks I got was some nice young lady trying to upsell me on extended warranties. No little 5-10% discount or whatever because the order was a biggun or anything. Just a "fuck you very much, what's your credit card number?" Actually, she was totally nice, I'm just pretty dissatisfied with Guitar Center right now.

So, what was on special? Well Roland (excluded) would allow some obscure synthesizer to be sold on the promotion. Basically, a lot of back stock shit nobody wants is on sale. They're running a deceptive special and I just wanted to take my 5 minutes and let people know.

Try Musician's Friend (their tax day special is a bit of a gimmick as well) or One Music Square. The latter is a small town shop out of Huntsville who will match any advertised price. Anything but Guitar Center, because right now, as far as I'm concerned, Guitar Center is stupid and sucks balls.

Lightning Strikes Just Once Not Twice

So, I arrived home last afternoon and let the dog out. I noticed some brick flakes, for lack of a better term, by the pool. Hmm, I thinks to myself, that's odd. Where would brick flakes come from? Anyhow, I filed it away as something to check on and went in the house. Inside the house, the GFCI in the kitchen had tripped and the phone wasn't working. More oddities. While I was contemplating these strangenesses, I had to cook dinner and do some other stuff.

After dinner, I walked back into the other side of the back yard to see if I could determine the origin of the brick flakes. Instead of brick flakes, I found actual bricks. I looked up at the chimney and saw more bricks on the roof, plus chunks missing from the chimney.

Holy sheepshit, Batman. Destroyed chimney + electrical anomalies = LIGHTNING STRIKE! Stately YPS Manor has been attacked by the gods themselves! I guess my continuing blasphemy has aroused the ire of the celestial after all.

Oh, joy. I guess this explains why the phones don't work, either. After checking, the phone ground is not hooked up to a ground. It's just flopping in the breeze. Whether this predates the lightning strike, I don't know. So AT&T has a service call in to come fix my phone and DSL.

I have called the insurance company. The current damage estimate stands at a wireless access point, a 16-port switch, one desktop, one laptop docking station, the Squeezebox, an X-Box, and a television. Oh, yeah, plus a chimney with missing chunks. An appraiser is supposed to call me and we'll go from there.

Post title reference here, if you look for it.

One A Day

I ran across a strangely moving post earlier. I seem to recall some one else was doing the photo per day and just taking headshots, more as a documentary on how he was changing. I find it bizarre that one's life can be compressed? summarized? (I'm not sure of the right word here.) into a series of pictures. Obviously, a project of this nature leaves out more of the life than it includes, but if a picture is worth a thousand words Jamie Livingston left the equivalent of almost 7 million words. I think that's more of his life documented for posterity than most people manage. Obsessive, weird, and yet oddly touching.

Garments

I have no real response to this. I merely present for information.

Donkey Cock Clothing

My most entertaining daily news source, Fark, pointed me at this article today. Before I discuss the actual article, I’ll digress a moment. I have high standards for the word “bizarre”. I don’t want something to be just a little bit odd when you use the word. I want something so strange I can’t quite get my head wrapped around it. This definitely qualifies:

When the news conference was over, a reporter shot out one more question: Why does he own a vest made of the skins of donkey penises?

Wait a minute. Some guy who was a serious contender for the mayor Tijuana governor of Baja California has vest made out of donkey cocks? WTF? Seriously. What. The. Fuck. His answer as to why:

Hank was happy to respond: "I don't know if you've ever stopped to think about what is the softest part of an animal's skin," he said, before stepping away through the crowd of chuckling journalists.

Well, no, I hadn’t ever stopped to think about it. This still doesn’t change the fact you’re walking around wearing a vest made of donkey foreskins. By the way, did you come to your conclusion about which part of the donkey was softest by first-hand experience? Or did you generalize this conclusion from, I dunno, horse labia or something? How do you even conceive of having a vest made from equine penis?

I have to think this a custom item. Can you imagine being some Mexican leatherworker and rich old race track owner walks in asking for a vest made of donkey dongs? That’s a “leave my shop” moment if ever there was one. Of course, maybe I’m not shopping at the right boutique. What a line of merchandise that store must carry.

“Oh, yes, sir. The donkey penis skin vests are right next to the cow udder jackets.”

Of course, maybe he just wants to prove he’s a bigger prick than donkeys have.

“I’m such a prick it takes 28 donkey dicks to make me a vest!”

I’ve got the slogan for my new clothing line. Donkey Cock Clothes: It takes a big prick to wear Donkey Cock.

Yes, I’ve spent way too much time thinking about the issue this morning. I’m still baffled as to why one wants such an item, no matter how soft it might be. I now return to the regularly scheduled ranting.

Update: Wrong office. Oops.

PSA - Rabies Safety

Remember, kids, when engaging in ritual self-mutilation, don't share knives with your buddy! You don't know where he's been!

The New Blogger Sucks Hairy Ass