Donkey Cock Clothing

My most entertaining daily news source, Fark, pointed me at this article today. Before I discuss the actual article, I’ll digress a moment. I have high standards for the word “bizarre”. I don’t want something to be just a little bit odd when you use the word. I want something so strange I can’t quite get my head wrapped around it. This definitely qualifies:

When the news conference was over, a reporter shot out one more question: Why does he own a vest made of the skins of donkey penises?

Wait a minute. Some guy who was a serious contender for the mayor Tijuana governor of Baja California has vest made out of donkey cocks? WTF? Seriously. What. The. Fuck. His answer as to why:

Hank was happy to respond: "I don't know if you've ever stopped to think about what is the softest part of an animal's skin," he said, before stepping away through the crowd of chuckling journalists.

Well, no, I hadn’t ever stopped to think about it. This still doesn’t change the fact you’re walking around wearing a vest made of donkey foreskins. By the way, did you come to your conclusion about which part of the donkey was softest by first-hand experience? Or did you generalize this conclusion from, I dunno, horse labia or something? How do you even conceive of having a vest made from equine penis?

I have to think this a custom item. Can you imagine being some Mexican leatherworker and rich old race track owner walks in asking for a vest made of donkey dongs? That’s a “leave my shop” moment if ever there was one. Of course, maybe I’m not shopping at the right boutique. What a line of merchandise that store must carry.

“Oh, yes, sir. The donkey penis skin vests are right next to the cow udder jackets.”

Of course, maybe he just wants to prove he’s a bigger prick than donkeys have.

“I’m such a prick it takes 28 donkey dicks to make me a vest!”

I’ve got the slogan for my new clothing line. Donkey Cock Clothes: It takes a big prick to wear Donkey Cock.

Yes, I’ve spent way too much time thinking about the issue this morning. I’m still baffled as to why one wants such an item, no matter how soft it might be. I now return to the regularly scheduled ranting.

Update: Wrong office. Oops.