So, somebody named Milka Gonzalez doesn't pay her bills. Ordinarily, I couldn't care less, because I'm not the one out the money. However, when people start calling my cell phone looking for her, then I get annoyed.

You see, I got my first cell phone in 1998. I've had the same phone number ever since. So it's not like Milka has had this number recently, if ever. This doesn't prevent collection agencies from calling it.

 So today, I called a collection agency back to tell them to quit calling me. I was informed that the number was 'attached' to the account, not one she had given. In other words, some nimrod at a collection agency or credit bureau associated my number with Milka at some point, and now I get to deal with jackasses calling me for some deadbeat.

I'm not a real big fan of either Milka or dumbasses that call essentially random numbers to find her right now.

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It's the beginning of a shiny new year, filled with unanticipated disappointments and your old familiar regrets. I know many people make resolutions to do something, anything, to improve their life situation. I, on the other hand, am pretty damn wonderful the way I am and don't need to change except to possibly get more betterer. Anyhow, in the spirit of change and hope that permeates the very fabric of America, (smells like bullshit, incidentally), I have some suggestions for New Year's resolutions because frankly, some of y'all need to tighten the hell up, mmkay? These are ideal if you've already blown off the resolutions you made while drunk and/or hungover earlier this year. 
  • Eat more beets. 
  • Work less, procrastinate more. (I may have this one backwards. Check with a reputable advice columnist.) 
  • Keep a dream diary to realize how disturbed your subconscious really is. 
  • Stop feeding Ex Lax to toddlers, especially the ones that aren't yours. 
  • Finish things, preferably with a cool Mortal Kombat style finishing move. 
  • Quit accidentally stapling yourself to things. The company can't afford the staples. 
  • Drink more or less caffeine, depending on how much you vibrate while at rest. 
  • Stop selling used underwear on eBay to finance your buying-used-underwear habit. It's a vicious cycle that benefits no one. 
  • Soap is not optional this year, bathdodger. 
  • While you've probably given up on it already this year, lose some weight, lardo. 
  • Practice a skill. Masturbation, by the way, is not a skill, despite what some of you seem to think. 
  • Stop commenting on YouTube. 
  • Get more tattoos. 
  • Only be rude to people who deserve it.
  • Quit shouting "Hey, cocksucker!" to get people's attention. While often accurate, it's still somewhat gauche. 
  • Stay out of the left hand lane if you're not exceeding the speed limit.
  • Don't refer to your genitalia in the third person. It's creepy and off-putting. 
  • Pay your liquor store bill. Distillers and brewers have families, too, you know. 

While I am pretty near perfect, I admit I am planning on a few of these for the year. Which ones, I leave it up you to decipher.

 As long as we're on the subject, you might find this article from Cracked of some use if you really want to change for the better.

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Contingency Planning

I was browsing around a bit, in a place I hadn't ventured recently, and came across a recounting of one man's recollection of the Rodney King riots in LA.

This strikes a chord because we are, once again, preparing to relocate YPS Manor.  This time, we're headed in the opposite direction.  We have decided to abandon my cultural heritage of white boy from the 'burbs and move into the city proper.  I doubt we'll see widespread looting and burning in the wake of court cases, but this is the Gulf Coast.  We get hurricanes with disturbing frequency around here. The odds of a Cat 4 spilling over into some level of disturbance as happened in  Katrina aren't real high, but they are appreciably non-zero.

Here's an enduring truth about guns: you never need one until you need one badly.  At that point, it's usually a bit late to try to go get one.  Keeping guns around the house means that should something similar occur in our fair city, we have options other than hide in a corner and hope nothing bad happens.  It's always better to have more options than less, even if you decide not to avail yourself of those options.

Letting someone who lives 1,400 miles away limit your options when they won't have to face your problems never struck me as a real good idea.


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Worked Into Sculpture

Good lord, but I think this may be the most ironic and completely unaware thing I've seen on the internet. There' s so much irony here you could use it for metalworking. 

Gawker published an article entitled Journalism Is Not Narcissism. Throwing that up on Gawker is bad enough, but then crossposting at Jezebel? Jezebel is a celebration of the tired old premise that the personal is political. Jezebel is nothing but navel gazing and self-obsession masquerading as commentary. 

If Nick Denton or anybody else at the Gawker sites truly believed in the premise, their websites would be shut down by the time I finished writing this post.

I suppose I should thank Sugarfree for bringing this to my awareness.

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Cliff Diving

So, apparently, spending cuts aren't necessary to stave off the latest fiscapocalypse. We can just jigger tax rates and keep spending and accumulating debt forever!

At least that's what politicians in DC seem to think. Admittedly, I have no great skill in managing a large and disparate nation, but then again, judging from results, the current collection of elected idiots officials don't either. I have, however, seen the results of spending and indefinite debt accumulation on personal finances. The path either ends in bankruptcy, for people who care about the niceties, or what fancy policy-wonk types call 'debt repudiation'. For us low-class folks out in the hinterlands, 'debt repudiation' just means you quit paying the people you owe.

These options aren't the same on a national scale, mainly because sovereigns do not declare bankruptcy. It is now, as always, good to be the king. When you are the king, you engage in debt repudiation. You tell everybody who owes you money to get fucked. Since you, as sovereign, control the courts, police, and army, it makes it a little difficult for your shafted creditors to get much recourse.

I don't think I'd be putting a bunch of money in Treasury securities right now. Even if the Bernanke does manage to hold it all together with currency devaluation (Quantitative Easing Forever!), they aren't a real good bet.

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New year, new resolutions, new content.

Same bad attitude.