Electrician's Tape

Reading this story, I'm reminded of an old joke about hamsters and tape*. I'll have to score this one as Hedgehog - several (one point per laceration), Asshat - none.

Seriously, having owned a hedgehog, I can't imagine just how desperate you must be to get your genitals anywhere near one. I mean, really, people. They're like little porcupines and despite what anyone may tell you, those spines are sharp. Hedgehogs also have a tendency to be grumpy little creatures, in addition to having sharp teeth. So the theory here is inserting the unit into something covered with spikes that has a bad attitude and bites will cure premature ejaculation? Why not just stick the dick in a jar full of broken glass? Same effect, only the pestering of small mammals gets left out.

Besides, you don't end being known worldwide as Needledick the Hedgehog Fucker that way. You're just that crazy SOB who stuck his business in a jar of broken glass. Of course, I guess he should really be known as Needledick the Hedgehog Molester, since the attempt was unsuccessful.

*Yeah, the link mentions duct tape, but I originally heard the joke as electrician's tape, so that's what I'm going with for the post title.