A Platform For The Ages

Well, the fine folks over at InstaPunk were out and about for a while and not posting. Upon their return, what do they post? The best Presidential platform I've seen in years. Selected highlights:

Education: Therefore, the Punk Party advocates immediate federal legislation declaring all forms of education illegal and punishable by a mandatory five-year term in prison. Only this radical measure will make learning attractive to the spoiled, anarchic slugs whose only detectable interests include activities that involve breaking the law -- i.e., the use of illegal drugs, underage smoking and drinking, underage sex, copyright theft, etc. Let them educate themselves in secret as the last possible act of rebellion against bankrupt parental and institutional authority.

Sin Control: Any government whose legislative acts have served to make smoking cigarettes more damnable in public opinion than the abortion of fetuses cannot be trusted to play any part in the definition of public morality.

The Economy: Beyond this, the federal government will make no effort, nor claim to have any capability, to "create jobs." Only private enterprises and individuals can offer this potential, and the government will make every effort not to impede it.

Immigration: All illegal aliens will be arrested and deported, regardless of circumstances. The nation of Mexico will be given an immediate ultimatum: end illegal immigration from its side of the border or accept an immediate end to all aid from and trade with the United States.

Homeland Security: In addition, the U.S. government will announce that it is no longer indemnifying business or state government organizations from the losses associated with their negligence in effectively protecting against terrorist attacks. All government regulations which prevent business or state government organizations from adequately protecting their facilities from terrorists will be immediately repealed. When this has been accomplished, no shipping company, airline, utility, or port will have any financial refuge from the failure of their own security responsibilities.

The Foreign Policy section alone is worth the price of admission. "Screw Canada. In every way possible." Finally, a platform I can agree with almost completely. What's more, I'm sure the candidates might actually try to act on the platform instead of just running on it. Too bad they won't be on the ballot here in Texas.