DonkFest 2004: Day 1

So we tuned into C-SPAN last night to watch the party faithful.  My goal, if I can stomach it, will be to provide a daily summary of some of the more absurd items I noticed at a glance.  In honor of such, I present…

“Things that went on at the Democrat National Convention that were just plain WRONG” (grouped in no particular order).

Democrat Women Senators

1.  Parading all the Donk Senate Dykes while saying stupid crap like,  “it’s not about gender”.

2.  Question from T:  Why does everyone female and/or minority feel the need to mention, "I was the first left-handed Anabaptist mulatto lesbian touch-typist to serve as third assistant undersecretary of education, and the donks made it all possible for me!  I'm opening doors for the other midget albino lesbian Eskimos!"  Good question!

3.  Semi-related to #2 above:  Barbara Mikulski (D-Dumpy)  claiming to be the first woman elected to the Senate (she’s not.)  She then qualified the statement, saying she was the first Democrat woman elected to the Senate (WRONG again).  Try #3, claiming to be the first woman elected in her own right (umm…WRONG…even worse, the woman who earns that distinction was a Republican).   Maybe she was the first Donk woman from Maryland?  Maybe?  But shut up with it already, we still don’t care.  You’re the oldest and shortest now, that’s all you get.

Bill Richardson

1.  Touts “Jimmuh” Carter’s energy policy (I was but a runt, but still remember the looong gas lines of the 70s).

2.  Speaks as an expert about energy policy, or national security issues period.  Remember Los Alamos, Mr. former Energy Secretary (of no Energy policy)? 

3.   As an aside:  this guy Richardson sure has failed at a lot of Gummit jobs to keep getting moved around, and “Convention Chair” at that!  Of course, I notice the Donks’ greatest hits tend to be the biggest losers. 

Jimmy Carter
1.  Jimmuh himself criticizing anybody’s Middle Eastern Policy.

2.   Any mention of the Nobel Peace Prize.  Hey, didn’t Yasser Arafat win that too?  The prize doesn’t legitimize you Jimmuh, it makes you a Euro sucking weenie.

3.        I think Jimmuh may have had some health problems, because he has a speech defect that I haven’t noticed until last night.  Given that, and his Southern roots, maybe somebody should translate his speech for Iowa’s first lady.  Strictly as an aside, why didn’t she become the next John Rocker?  Oh, yeah, because she’s a donk and a chick…

Al Gore
1.  Yes, I know he's just wrong in general; although I was a bit disappointed he didn’t have one of his flop sweating melt downs.

2.  Note to Al:  Using all discernable standards, even the ones you made up, and even eliminating all military votes, you still lost in 2000.  Get over it.  I know you said you weren’t going to talk about it...but you still did.

Hillary Rodham Clinton

1.  She says she knows about healthcare.  Do you want to really go back there?

2.  Sounds like the “moderate” of the convention.

3.  Curious use of the word “partner” when referring to Mrs. Heinz Kerry and Mrs. Edwards (instead of “wife”).  What is the implication?  Are we running co-Presidents again?  Was it a nod to the gay marriage crowd?  Does Ms. Rodham Clinton think that Mrs. Heinz Kerry and Mrs. Edwards are men?

Bill Clinton
1.  Is he really the guy to be the wrap up speaker at “Donk Senate Dyke” night.  Yes, we know Clinton "luuuuvs the womens".  And yes, we know he even marries the gay ones.   
Note to NOW:  STFU…for ALL TIME.

2.  Reminds the world that he was homeless and virtually penniless upon entering the White House, and subsequently used the office to propel himself into the top 1% of wage earners.  We know you enjoy telling us over and over, but we really don’t care how wealthy you are now, Bill.

3.  Touts John Kerry’s military service, or anybody else’s for that matter. 

4.  Discussed Vietnam in any aspect.  We all know that you were overseas during Vietnam...as a protester.  We read the letter?

General Wrongness/Other Observations
1.  Michael Moose Moore had a “Presidential” box seat and virtually unlimited floor access.  Here’s to bringing in the undecided!

2.  The seemingly nice, but not very well spoken lady who lost her daughter and unborn grandchild during 9/11 discusses the UNBORN grandchild at THIS convention. 
Note to nice lady:  Donks slaughter unborn babies for fun and sport.  They probably suck the heads too.  They don’t consider your unborn grandchild a person…at all.  Stop bringing it up.  You're making them look bad.

3.  The playing of “Amazing Grace” at any Democrat function, the Reverend speaking, invocations, benedictions, or anything else of a Christian oriented religious nature going on in an official capacity, given that these people stand on a consistent record of suing to keep God out of the public square.  I guess that applies, unless you're black, huh?

4.  Speaking of that Reverend (I don’t remember his Church) I was shocked (shocked! I say) to learn that John Kerry served in Vietnam!  Shocked!

5.  Saying you’re going to not bash Bush does not make it so.  Actually not bashing Bush makes it so.  Donks bash Bush.  It is what they must do.  They can’t not do it.

6.  Every single speaker discussed how the Bush administration walked away from our allies, abandoned our allies, etc. 
Allies according to Donks:  France & Germany.  Further Translation:  On the take. 
I sure wonder how our real allies (Britain, Australia, Italy Eastern Europe, etc.) feel about us while these idiots continue to discount their contributions?

6.  Saying you’re unified does not make it so.  Pitting sick against healthy, old against young, rich against poor, and black against white does not make you unified.  It makes you divisive, as you have always been.

7.  Did anybody notice that Je$$e Jack$on DID NOT clap for Bill Clinton?

8.  And finally…the "John Kerry saves the little league" video clip:  Did anybody notice that the Down Syndrome & Special Needs little league baseball players wearing T-shirts that read “Downey Challenger”?  Now that just takes wrongness to new low.

Damn!  That was exhausting!


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