DonkFest 2004: Final Day

At this point, highlighting the last day of the convention is almost a joke. I have been watching these events yearly, both the D and the R, since I was a kid, and I must say that this was one of the most creative spectacles of fiction put before my eyes…probably ever. I don’t think the sweet introductions by his kids are worthy of note, I mean, what do you expect them to say? “Oh, yeah my Dad is a complete dick. He beat us, he sexually assaulted our hamster, don’t vote for him.” And I think enough has been written about his introductory film to last me a lifetime. There is something fundamentally sick about all of this re-enactment business, especially given his behavior upon returning from his long 4 month tour.

I was mildly amused, however, by the prescience of the choice of Max Cleland to provide John Kerry’s introduction. According to most reports, Mr. Cleland has been almost suicidal since losing his seat to Saxby Chambliss 2 years ago. So, the donks have yet again set the poor old man up for a fall, by wheeling him out to remind the party faithful that if you’re wrong on the issues, it doesn’t matter how heroic your war record is, you’re still going to get spanked.

So, where to start with Mr. Kerry’s speech? “I'm John Kerry and I'm reporting for duty!” Yeah, that’s as good a place as any. After that, the speech was a series of defenses followed by whining. Given that in a past life--at some point before he went on the public dole--he was a lawyer, I am surprised that his defenses were so weak. He should be smart enough to know that his only true defense is the truth, and yet he couldn’t seem to tell it. So, what was John Kerry defending and about what was he whining?

Let’s first start with the defenses. He defended his humble family beginnings and his claim to family values. He defended his claim to patriotism. He then defended being a whiny-assed baby boomer…because he changed the world! Yes, but to members of the resulting generation who had to clean up that mess, we don’t consider that a positive thing. He defended being a partisan, and then defended not being a partisan . Note to libs: bipartisanship is not convincing John McCain to support your cause. He defended the fact that his wife’s company outsources 80-some-odd percent of its jobs; and then defended why globalization of jobs is bad, as long as Honda, Sony, Nissan, and Mercedes Benz among others remain here in America. He defended the proposition that unskilled, uneducated workers deserve to make the same money as their disciplined, skilled and educated counterparts. He then defended his pick of a know-nothing VP candidate and his whacky wife. He defended his Vietnam service, without mention of his subsequent betrayal of his fellow servicemen. He defended all those other screaming losers who threw themselves upon the public during the hunt for the nomination. He defended that he wasn’t just pretending to love the flag. My personal favorite, was when he defended his flip-flopping. He oddly defended his Iraq and foreign policy views. I am thinking that comes from being caught declaring that our military should be subservient to the UN. And finally he defended his patriotism again, his values again, and his belief in God.

Then came the whining. Life isn’t fair. Why can’t we continue to throw more money at worthless social programs that are proven ineffective? Perhaps we should ask why being seen to be doing something is actually more important than actually doing something. Why did the lady who invested her entire fortune in Global Crossing get hosed while its long string of executives made a fortune? Perhaps we should ask Terry McAuliffe. Why did the high school drop out lose his $40/hour job to some guy in Indonesia who’ll do it for $40/week? Perhaps we could ask the unions. Why won’t you stupid American public let us liberals socialize medicine? Perhaps we could ask Hillary Clinton.

Aside from the defenses and the whining, he did squeeze in time to call President Bush a liar, Vice President Cheney a back-room schemer (a la Hillary’s health care task force, maybe?), Secretary Rumsfeld a betrayer of the military and Attorney General Ashcroft a criminal. He then blubbered some crap about how Republicans should not be so angry (like Howard Dean?) and how he and President Bush should respect one another…after you, John.

Oh oh…give me a minute. I can think of 2 honest things he did say. The first one is that if he’s elected that he will begin dismantling our nuclear weapons systems. The second thing he said is that he wants us to be more like Canada. Now, wasn’t the truth refreshing? So remember, a vote for John Kerry is a vote to transform America into a country of whining wussy socialists. A vote for John Kerry is a vote for those who think it’s more important for the government to pay for that 13 year-old girl to have breast implants than to defend its borders against foreign invaders. A vote for John Kerry is a vote for worthless currency and a youth population who thinks America is evil. Oh, never mind about that last one, because there won’t be any America left. Hmmm...maybe that’s why he was so optimistic there at the end.

This tired old liberal hasn't changed a bit. He was nicely repackaged for a night, but he was up early this morning hung over, unwashed, and back to normal. They just can't keep the con job up for long. I'm glad this one will be gone by November.


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