Death of an Icon

So, as Chrysler succumbs to bankruptcy today and GM continues to act the Fool and dance on the precipice, one clear fact has emerged. Pontiac is dead. Speaking as a guy with a Trans Am t-shirt in his closet, I'm saddened by this. Pontiac may be a collection of rebadged suck right now, but there was a time when they were putting some amazing cars on the street.

Jalopnik has the details on what was. Personally, I've always been partial to this one. If you've got a good example of old Pontiac, I'd keep it. Might be worth more now.

Humorlessness

I'm clinging to the concept of "laugh or go mad", but the giggles are fewer and farther between these days. My sense of humor, bleak at the best of times, is currently being harrowed down to a black indestructible core. Pretty soon I'll be able to grin and laugh at the end of the world, which will probably come in handy real soon. So in an attempt to stave off my mostly inevitable descent into celebrating the failure of politics through high speed disassembly, I give you some random funny.

You did know nothing from your childhood is safe on the internet, right?

Some of the concepts here have merit, but most of them are taken well past the point of wretched excess. But really, isn't wretched excess quintessentially American?

The internet exists to spread dumb photos, doesn't it? Or is it porn? I can never remember. Why not both? (Last two links NSFW, probably)

Stupidity Resurgent

The level of dumb going around right now is just staggering, and hopefully not contagious. I catch a case of the retard like so many others in our body politic and it's on. I'll start believing whacko conspiracy theories and take a more direct approach to politics.

However, the stupid is just everywhere. So last week, the n00b decided taking over student loans was the next brilliant idea. While his codependent enablers in Congress haven't bought off on it yet, I have no doubt they will. I mean, why wouldn't they? They already helped take over the auto industry and the banking industry. Why not get back into student loans?

So what does this week bring? Some jackass using these examples to suggest the government get into credit cards! Seriously, are all you people retarded? Please tell me this is a joke and we're all not that goddamned dumb. Otherwise, I'm going to have to to step up my plans for world domination just to keep all y'all ignuts in line.

All Atwitter

Add another item to the list of things Twitter is good for.

Commentary

We don't get many comments around here, mainly because nobody reads us. So we thought we would highlight tonight's comment.

Jack H is trying to set me up by posting false homosexually charged messages in my 'anonymous' name on his 'Forgotten Prophets' blog. He has also been editing my own words to imply other falsehoods including potential criminal activity on my part. He may be doing the same elsewhere. I believe that he also plans to post a sexually charged or sem-nude photo and a link and make it appear as if I posted that photo myself. If you happen to see this photo and know of its original source, post that source here. There may be criminal activity involved. Jack H has claimed to be many things including a body builder, psychology major, gun owner, and super genius with an IQ of 164. I have reason to believe that Jack H may actually be a student or staff member at Drake University in Iowa or possibly another in California or Colorado.

Okay, a few comments are in order here. One, this was posted on a comment from '05. You might pick a more recent comment in order to, like, show up on the front page or something. Two, how can you slander somebody posting under the name 'anonymous'? Which 'anonymous' are you, anyway? Third, don't drag us into your weird homoerotic spat. I don't care if he does post "sexually charged or sem-nude" pictures of you or even if you posted nude pics of yourself. Don't post anything about it here. Start your own blog or keep it over at 'Forgotten Prophets' or where ever the hell you're having your little internet weenie waving contest. Don't bring it to a completely unrelated blog. Finally, I don't care what Jack H. has claimed to be or who he really is. Although, being a body builder, psychology major, gun owner and super genius isn't that unbelievable. Aside from the psych major, I meet all of those requirements. Okay, I'm not really a body builder, either. So two out four ain't bad. Of course, when you refer to yourself as a 'super-genius' the Wile E. Coyote comparisons should start flying pretty thick. Plus, shouldn't a super-genius have a real major instead of psych?

Club Time

Oh, yeah, since it's Earth Day in some quarters, Arbor Day in others, and Lenin's Birthday in yet others, I have suggestions for appropriate celebrations.

Plant a tree, since Arbor Day is helpful at best and benign at worst and predates Lenin. Well, technically, Lenin predates Arbor Day, but in 1872 nobody knew who the hell Lenin was except his parents. If a tree seems ambitious, throw some flower seeds around.

Now that you have a tree, break off a branch and start smacking dumbass hippies, watermelons, and commies. If you insist on some Leninist connection, drink vodka in the process while screaming about counterrevolutionaries. The revolution in question could be either the American, the Industrial, or both depending on the object of your wrath.

Rock Your Tumor Like A Hurricane

So, after reading this story, I only have one question:

If I throw a bag of live scorpions at Spongeted Drunkpants, can I claim I was trying to help out with his medical treatment?

Another Day, Another Disaster

Seriously, who here thinks the possibility of a law named after everybody's favorite tumor-ridden drunk being actually worthwhile or constitutional is greater than zero? Anybody?

Well, good to see we're not teaching the slow class today. I refer, of course, to the recently signed and enacted Edward M. Kennedy Serve America Act. The act authorizes the spending of 5.7 billion dollars to train bartenders in the proper mixing of a scotch and soda. Oh, wait, I am apparently mistaken on the meaning of serve in this context. Given the association with Teddy, it was a natural mistake on my part. It has nothing to do with alcohol and everything to do with encouraging volunteerism by handing out oodles of federal money. Personally, I think training bartenders might be more useful. In any event, Nick Gillespie has far more to say about the crapulence than me, and is a wee tad bit more eloquent besides.

The news comes out about the same time as the shocking... wait, that's not right. Need a little more emphasis here. The SHOCKING! news states are not actually able to track the stimulus money being thrown around so casually by the n00b and his enablers in Congress. So the obvious solution is more money. That's right, MORE MONEY! As much as I disliked Matthew Lesko and everything that led to his scam, he's definitely a small time carny fleecing the rubes in Flyover Country compared to this lot. My hero has the best take on it all.

San Jacinto

On this day in 1836, the Republic of Texas stomped Santa Anna's army flat. Lesson of the day for would-be military dictators: post guards.

Drink something Texan to celebrate.

Asked, Answered

So, the other day I asked what the hell Twitter was good for. I now have answers.

I'm still not using it for anything, but at least now I know what I'm not using it for.

I Have No Idea

It's 4/20, bitches! Toke up!

In celebration, I'll remind you of the price we all pay for the endless and futile War on Drugs. Your government is killing innocent people who have no connection to illegal drugs or the drug trade to stop people from getting high. Really sounds worth it, doesn't it?

The Course of Human Events

If you live in Texas and not under a rock, you may have heard Gov. Rick Perry endorsed secession as a possibility for Texas. More specifically, he said that while it hasn't come to that yet, it might.

The usual suspects are screaming and wailing. Everyone's favorite ridiculous news-muppet, Geraldo Rivera, called Perry's statements treason and sedition. A sizable contingent have claimed his statements are "Anti-American".

Heh. I will simply remind everyone of some words from the past.

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

So, it's apparently treasonous for Rick Perry to voice the same sentiments in regards to the current federal government? Silly me. As I read this document, it's our right as free men and women to discuss the possibility. More importantly, it's our birthright as Americans. We're the only country going to have a violent revolution and come through it better than before. The right, indeed the duty, to try it again if necessary is one of the principles on which America was founded. Rick Perry's statements may be unwise and may cause him to lose an election, but they aren't treason and they aren't unamerican.

Fat Chance

As a follow up to last week's post about maintenance, I was looking at an online BMI calculator. I know BMI is a flawed system and doesn't work real well, but it's quick and easy.

Of course, it gives results that say I should weigh 166 pounds. A bit of perspective on that is necessary. I'm 6' 1" tall and rapidly approaching 40. I weigh about 215 - 220 lbs. I haven't shrunk any since I was 22, to my knowledge. When I was 22, I was on active duty in the 82nd Airborne and probably in the best shape of my life. I weighed about 180 then. I'm sure as hell not going to weigh less than that now and be any kind of healthy.

Royal Service

I recently ordered a rifle scope from formerly Great Britain. As I'm sure is customary, it was given to the Royal Mail for delivery. I was even provided with a tracking number. However, the tracking appears to end once it is handed off for overseas delivery to the US. This is a tad bit frustrating for an information junkie with web access at all times.

Basically, it disturbs me that daily updates of my item's progress are unavailable to me. Technology and UPS have spoiled me. Since no US dealers had any in stock, I guess I'm still ahead of the game if the US distributors had back-ordered and then shipped to me.

Of course, at this point, I'm wondering if it was passed off to carrier sloth. I got an SSR shipped from Hong Kong (for free, I might add) quicker than it's taken this to get to me. Certainly it's quicker to ship things from the UK to Texas than from China? Maybe not.

Feed the Beast

Have you voluntarily complied with the intrusive questioning and money grubbing of your federal government today? Do you feel good you're helping pay for the bailout? I know I do.

Anyhow, here's an article about book thieves for no reason other than I thought it was interesting.

Out and About

So, before I depart this vale of tears, otherwise known as my gainful employment, for the weekend, I have a few parting thoughts.

It occurred to me the other day that a sensible approach to reading the news of the day was to drink myself stupid. Alas, Congress appears to have beaten me to it.

I also think right about now, these are important words to remember:

He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself.

The applications of this principle in today's political environment are endless.

Maintenance

Stingray points out some obvious truths far too many of us neglect. I might mention that there's a reason the Army had us all running around around and doing physical training every morning. Mens sana in corpore sano, and all that jazz, right?

Of course, that leads one to ask what those of us who are slightly lacking in the "mens sana" department should do. I think I'll keep working out in the mornings anyway. Craziness is no excuse for laziness! However, procrastination and apathy might be. I'll get back with you on those two.

Paging Ned Ludd

Why is Twitter useful? Honestly, I'm baffled by the application and its utility. What does it offer that isn't available through some other platform or medium?

Stop Writing Checks

Back a few years ago, when welfare reform was a hot-button issue, I had a friend who proposed the simplest welfare reform imaginable: stop giving people welfare checks. His theory was that those who didn't really need welfare would do something, and alternative approaches would pick up the rest. While I support the idea in theory, the practical aspects of it disturbed me. It always seemed you would need some time to transition.

Anyhow, someone who is far more familiar with the world's biggest welfare basket case than I has come to a similar conclusion. The interview is long and detailed, and she makes a lot of sense. Therefore, there's no hope in hell of it ever happening.

Although, given budgetary constraints among the G20 brought on by the crappy economy, now is the perfect time to try to convince people to quit giving money they don't have to corrupt third-world politicians.

Officer Safety

So, if anybody ever wants to know why it might be a good idea to carry your own firearm, I've got a ready answer.

One receptionist was killed, while the other, shot in the abdomen, pretended to be dead and then crawled under a desk and called 911, he said.

Police said they arrived within two minutes.

Not bad response time, right? Okay so far.

Police heard no gunfire after they arrived but waited for about an hour before entering the building to make sure it was safe for officers.

Hmm. And all the people inside the building? Well, fuck them, I guess. Officer safety for the FAIL. People often wonder why some of us hold the opinion cops are there to fill out paperwork and clean up the mess. Gee, I dunno. Wherever might we have gotten that idea?

April Foolish

So, some genius thinks the feds need to establish cybersecurity standards and enforce them on private businesses. Two important thoughts should occur to the informed observer. One, the feds and for that matter, governments in general, suck at cybersecurity. Plus, by mandating one set of standards for everybody, one vulnerability in your standard affects everyone. Whee! A horrible idea from a technical perspective, not to mention government is not agile enough to keep up with changing technology. Technology moves faster than the government can.

Two, the proposal only applies to "essential" networks that control power and water systems. Given that we all live in a world where pawn shops are defined as "financial institutions", how long is it before every single network is defined as "essential" and the government can shut you down for not being secure?

The third thought should be that Congress has no authority to enact such legislation and Senators Rockefeller (D-umbass) and Snowe (R-etard) need to be horsewhipped from DC back to their homes of record. I wouldn't hold my breath, though.

All Better Now

Because apologies fix everything, right?

I'm gonna lump Duch in with Bobby McNamara. It's great that you're sorry and you feel bad now that you're an old man. That doesn't do shit for the thousands of people you're responsible for killing. If you're really sorry, do something to make it right. I'm not sure what you do to make things right when your body count is that high, but something would be nice. Moving on with your life and apologizing when hauled into court doesn't strike me as all that much.

Failing that, you could always just suck on a bullet. That works for me, too.