Scientifical

As people around the world desperately try to misuse science to pursue various political goals, it's worth reflecting on science and how it works. Since I am not a scientist, I'll simply refer you to someone who was. His thoughts on the matter are close to 40 years old, but are still as relevant as anything you'll find.

It's Not News, It's Research!

In a ground-breaking piece of research from my alma mater, we learn that people, even if you give them complete information, often make shitty choices that benefit them short-term but screw them over the long run.

For examples, I suggest the whole of human history. Or any entitlement program of the US, if you're looking for something closer to home.

Glowing Couture

One of the nice things about the geek inheriting the earth is the wide variety of clothing now available. The downside? Most of the items are t-shirts. There's an amazing variety of themes, motifs, catchphrases and icons you can get on a t-shirt. Speaking as someone with both a BSG-75 and a Stormtrooper Skull & Crossbones in the closet, I have no issue with the proliferation of t-shirts.

However, some of us have to go to work everyday in corporate America. At this point, your clothing choices dwindle dramatically. So it's always nice to see an item that works both as social signifier and tasteful clothing, like this scarf. I'm thinking about one for either iridium or silver to wear in those rare moments here in Houston when it's cold.

A Morning Down the Rabbit Hole, Ballistics Edition

So, I’m going through my morning links as I drink coffee. Uncle posts a link up to an article sort of explaining ballistic coefficient. Being afflicted with a technical education, the explanation raised more questions than it answered. So I went looking for answers. That might have been a mistake. Several links and a fair amount of time later, I found all kinds of answers. In turn, I have way more questions. Isn’t that just always the way?

I’ll give you the short answer: Ballistic coefficient is an agreed upon lie. It fudges the real world into a single number that we’ve all agreed to use because it’s usually good enough for what we’re doing. Strangely, I’m reminded of API pressure calcs.

Of course, the caveat here is usually. The longer the range gets, the less useful BC becomes. And once you hit the transonic boundary, it becomes even less useful. What’s the most useful answer? Surprising absolutely no one, actual real world test data is the gold standard. Got a Doppler radar to measure bullet velocities in flight? No? Hmm. Neither do I. No wonder everybody uses BC, especially for cross-platform comparisons.

Anyhow, more on ballistic coefficient can be found on Wikipedia. You can also find a Marksmanship book on Wikibooks.

Mad Science

Theo Gray has a great essay up on the dangers we willingly accept for our children and the dangers we don't. Of course, in future years, I imagine the subset of parents who are unwilling to have their children take any risk will get larger. Being somewhat risk-prone, (or as it was once described, being "prone to be where accidents are prone to happen"), I don't have a whole lot of use for the safety-first mindset that is silently creeping throughout our culture. I especially don't have any use for it when it's going to have disastrous long-term consequences, as Mr. Gray points out.

By removing all risk, you end up with a class of people who are unable to judge risk and are therefore incapable of dealing with it. Fine when you need accountants and actuaries, I suppose, but less so when you want people to push forward the frontiers of human endeavor.

Anyhow, he also wrote a book. You might buy it, especially if you have children and you'd like to do some science with them.

Rock Your Tumor Like A Hurricane

So, after reading this story, I only have one question:

If I throw a bag of live scorpions at Spongeted Drunkpants, can I claim I was trying to help out with his medical treatment?

It's Not News, It's...

So a twofer from CNN today. First out the gate: Muslim jackass throws acid on woman, scarring her face and blinding her because he "loves" her. She decides to play hard under the rules of the game over in Iran. She refused monetary compensation, requested old school punishment, and as a result, he is now going to be blinded with acid. That'll learn him. Probably barbaric, certainly against the 8th Amendment, and somehow, I just can't bring myself to disapprove.

Second up is a story whose second sentence is so rife with double entendre it made me giggle:

New research shows that, in men, the brain areas associated with handling tools and the intention to perform actions light up when viewing images of women in bikinis.

Handling tools? The intent to perform action? Umm... yeah. And we needed research on this because... Ric Romero needed filler for this weekend's broadcast?

Oh, wait, we needed research on this to confirm what the lead researcher already thought about men. She does claim "the broader purpose of the research was to explore circumstances under which people treat one another as the means to an end". Of course, this is pretty much blown to crap by the fact that apparently, nobody has bothered to figure out under what circumstances women do this. So it's not really about people, now, is it? It's about men. Thanks, darling. I already have every TV commercial and entertainment product in the world doing their level best to portray me as a mindless buffoon incapable of managing life without some woman's help. Now you're trying to prove men think inappropriately, but it's not really our fault. How about DIAF? Does that work for you? I'm more than a little tired of the endless parade of male-bashing in popular culture.

The joyous and accomplished cynic in me also notes it's far easier to do research like this with men, because the triggers are pretty obvious. Figuring out what women think is apparently too difficult, even for other women. It's also probably much easier to do research that you can use to confirm your preexisting biases.

My Head Hurts

So instead of something substantial, I give you the two themes of the upcoming administration.

Hope and Change.

And a giant Squid.

The three themes of the new administration are Hope, Change, and Giant Squids. And an almost fanatical devotion to...

Ah, screw it, I'm going home.

Plywood and Other Hazards

Continuing our accidental theme of chemistry for the week, I present to you the MSDS for UF Bonded Wood Products, aka plywood.

I note Georgia-Pacific feels it improbable that you folks out there will eat plywood, as the Ingestion hazard is "Not applicable under normal conditions of use." I guess G-P has a little more faith in y'all than some might.

The Modern Regulatory State, Licensing Edition

Some days, you follow the rabbit down the hole and end up in Wonderland. Other days, it’s more like an extended, Kafkaesque nightmare. It all depends on which rabbit you chase down which hole. Today’s adventure in absurdity comes courtesy of my somewhat beloved state of Texas. Actually, the exercise didn’t start out as an excursion into the excesses and absurdities of the regulatory state, it just ended up there. Let’s start from the beginning.

In an attempt to give me things that will entertain not only me but her as well, young N gave me books for both my birthday and Christmas. My birthday gift was a lovely tome on how to make fireworks and Christmas brought another addition to the chemistry library. So, as we were sitting around over the holidays, I mentioned that laboratory glassware was easily available from AS&S or United Nuclear. After a brief digression into young N’s fondness for lab glass, J offhandedly chimes in with “Most of that stuff is illegal or requires a corporate license to possess.”

Wait, what? I need a license for borosilicate glassware? Okay, I’ll bite. What, precisely, is illegal and what license are we talking about? "Lab glass and a corporate lab license." Umm, that's not really enough detail, dear. It’s off to the State of Texas website, home to all manner of strange and wondrous information. So, for all of you contemplating an exciting adventure in chemistry experiments and/or illicit manufacture of methamphetamines at home, be forewarned. The following items are illegal for you to own without the requisite permit in Texas:

(A) a condenser;

(B) a distilling apparatus;

(C) a vacuum drier;

(D) a three-neck or distilling flask;

(E) a tableting machine;

(F) an encapsulating machine;

(G) a filter, Buchner, or separatory funnel;

(H) an Erlenmeyer, two-neck, or single-neck flask;

(I) a round-bottom, Florence, thermometer, or filtering flask;

(J) a Soxhlet extractor;

(K) a transformer;

(L) a flask heater;

(M) a heating mantel; or

(N) an adaptor tube.

As a slight digression from my main point, I’ll point out the above is the chemical laboratory apparatus list. An entirely separate list covers which items the state considers to be drug paraphernalia. I’ll note in passing the drug paraphernalia list includes “a container or other object used or intended for use in storing or concealing a controlled substance”. Any object under the sun in which you can place another object can be considered drug paraphernalia. The abuses of common sense involved in that phrase alone are staggering, but not terribly surprising given the weapons grade idiocy displayed by most aspects of the War on [Some] Drugs.

Anyhow, if you decide to chump off and buy your junior scientist about the house a chemistry kit (available here and here, for example) you’re breaking the law, you criminal deviant. Why? Because both of those kits contain the dreaded Erlenmeyer flask, scourge of civilization! And probably a separatory or filter funnel as well, although I suppose one could do some basic lab work without a funnel. Of course, you’re golden if you go and apply for your Chemical Laboratory Apparatus Transfer License like a good little citizen. Be warned, however, by getting a license you consent to maintain and secure your lab apparatus in accordance with the regulations established by the Director of the Texas Department of Public Safety. You also consent to inspection of your apparatus and the premises it resides upon under a regulatory scheme decided upon by said director. Sounds cool, huh? I know giving the state carte blanche to come into my home and inspect the place and my stuff is high on my list of fun things to do things to avoid at all costs. (See also: FFL, Why T Doesn’t Have One)

To summarize the information I have found: buy a chemistry kit from Target, commit a felony. Or get a permit and consent to regulation and inspection of your chemistry kit and house. Any questions? If so, I suggest you get competent legal counsel. I also recommend you peruse the Controlled Substances Act in its entirety. There are some combinations of items which are sufficient to get you arrested for things much worse than simple possession of a chemistry kit. (It also gives a fair amount of insight into why trailer-park meth labs blow up with the regularity, too.) When you get done, rethink raising your sprog with an appreciation and understanding of science. It doesn’t appear to be a good idea.

Also, to call further attention to the ways in which Texas overreaches its bounds, here is a helpful list of licenses one might need from the state. Since it doesn’t include the aforementioned Chemical Laboratory Apparatus Transfer License, it is obviously incomplete even though it contains 508 items. The similar list of federal licenses is left as an exercise for the reader with more time than me.

In any event, my desire to conduct chemistry experiments at home with the child has undergone a rather sudden decrease in intensity. The downside just doesn’t seem worth it.

Lab Notes and Everything

I believe it was P. J. O'Rourke who once said "I believe in that which can be proven by reason and experiment, and I want to see your logic and your lab notes." It's a phrase that has served me well in professional practice as an engineer. It also applies to a whole host of things gun-related. The topic of guns and ballistics is the probably the source of more bullshit than anything I'm personally familiar with.

Spend time on any gun-related internet forum or just go hang out in a gun store. You'll hear more ridiculous crap than I can even remember. So it's always good to see people doing actual testing to see what happens as opposed to listening to the random nonsense spouted by armchair commandos the world over. These guys decided to figure out what effect barrel length had on velocity with a variety of pistol rounds. They also kept meticulous track of the data and have everything available on the website. Trust a physics geek to run a decent experiment. It may not be the final word on the subject, but it's a damn good first take.

I'll also throw a link out for the Box of Truth. Less rigorous than the previous website, but vastly informative nonetheless. Plus, it's always fun to see stuff get blown up.

Ka-Boom

Tunguska!

The 100th anniversary was today. Despite NASA's high-minded nattering, nobody really knows what happened over Siberia back then.

Put Your Junk In A Cup

Truly, once you open the internet connection on your PC and fire up the web browser there’s no telling what kind of mysteries you’re going to find down the rabbit hole. Alice thought the stuff she saw was strange? Bitch got nothin’ on the Web.

J sent me a link to a fascinating document about an experiment conducted by some freak. I don’t mean to denigrate the contributions to scientific research the man has attempted to make… OK, I’m lying. I do mean to denigrate his contributions. And if you keep reading, you'll understand why he's a freak.

He wanted to measure the “force required for intromission with and without the benefit of the foreskin”. So of course, he felt the best way to do this would be to get someone (himself? The text is unclear) to stick their dick into a hole cut into the bottom of a styrofoam cup attached to a diet scale. I am saddened the illustration of the testing apparatus is not reproduced on the web. As funny as the description is, a picture would have been priceless comedy gold.

I can just imagine taking the lab tour:

Researcher: “And over here we have the cup we stick our junk into. Note the scales to check the force.”

Visitor: “Why is there a box of tissues and a tube of KY next to it?”

I’d also like to note the phrase “make an otherwise uncomfortable intromission comfortable.” So, you made sticking your wang into a styrofoam cup comfy? Truly, you have expanded the frontiers of human knowledge!

Upon reflection, I have to assume the researcher conducted the experiments with himself as the test subject. Otherwise, a whole host of factors would come into the picture. I can just imagine kicking the proposal up to the review committee. You want people to do what to what? Why? Uh-huh. Yeah, maybe it’s time for a sabbatical. Of course, the informed consent paperwork would be worth posting to the internet by itself. How exactly do you explain the risks of this procedure to the potential subject? Hell, what are the risks? Styrofoam lacerating your wedding tackle? A unit that stinks of long-chain polymers? And how would you go about finding research subjects? I can just picture some guy in a white lab coat standing on corner at a college campus.

Researcher: “Hey, buddy! Got a foreskin?”

Unsuspecting Student: “Umm… yeah?”

Researcher: “Great! How’d you like to poke your pecker into a Styrofoam cup so we can measure the force? It’s for science!”

Unsuspecting Student: hurries off.

My final cringe-inducing thought on the subject: the test subject needed an erection to do this correctly. Stick your hard-on into a cup for science! That’s a recruiting slogan to address the shortage of scientists and engineers in this country, isn’t it?

Heavy Benzene

So I was shopping online for benzene today. I found heavy benzene, where all the hydrogen atoms are deuterium. It's 10 times as expensive as regular benzene, which I can understand given the relative scarcity of deuterium.

What I can't understand is why you would want this particular substance. Is there some advantage to having deuterium in your benzene?

Cheap and Obvious

Going for the easy joke, I note scientists have discovered Ry'leh. Artists and sensitive wussy boys the world over are having horrible dreams as we speak.

Slap up a few posters and maybe you'll be eaten last.

Tinfoil Hat No Longer Enough

Reading an article about geomagnetism and the effect on the brain has clued me in to the whole tinfoil hat thing. 15% of the population, as determined by some Russian guy, is abnormally sensitive to fluctuations in the Earth’s magnetic fields. I’m thinking that wrapping your head in a Faraday cage might be an attempt to self-treat. However, there’s still that pesky neck problem, so you should really think about a tinfoil suit. It’s hard to see out, I know, but an effective Faraday cage can use mesh instead of a solid material. Just make sure the holes are the right size for the wavelength you’re trying to block. As I have no idea what wavelengths we’re dealing with, you’re on your own with figuring out how big the holes should be to prevent you killing yourself because of the Earth’s magnetic activity. The details of government mind control rays are classified, for obvious reasons, but I would, if I were you, worry about wavelengths in the 7.125 to 8.45 GHz range.

Of course, if the government mind control rays are what worries you, you may not be in this 15% of the population. There’s another 9% category that probably fits you better.

Beer Is Brain Fuel

I didn't need any additional justification, but this is good to know.