Groundrat Day

So, today is Groundhog Day. I find, though exhaustive research (aka five minutes with a search engine), that the groundhog is a marmot. This means it's a large ground squirrel. And what are squirrels? That's right, tree rats. So a groundhog is actually a fat grounded tree rat.

So we're all worked up about whether a fat groundrat sees it's shadow. Wait, what? How ridiculous a holiday is this, anyway? Incidentally, groundhog is another name for woodchuck. Based on the overall appearance of Punxsutawney Phil, that fat little bastard would have problems chucking a twig. So the answer if he's the benchmark is "not much".

I'm celebrating Imbolc or Candlemas or Ayn Rand's Birthday instead. They certainly can't be any more more ridiculous, although they'll certainly be less marmoty.

I have to admit, I kind of like the word marmot, though. So have a marmot of a day and celebrate whatever you think is appropriate.

Veterans' Day 2010

It is once again that day set aside to commemorate the veterans of military service and (originally) the end of the War to End All Wars. We all know how well that second bit turned out, since our prior governments rather neatly set up the circumstances for the sequel.

In any event, go out and say something nice to a veteran. They'll probably appreciate it.

Remember The Fallen

So as I type this, I'm looking out over a cemetery in a small Texas town. The fields are irregularly spotted with American flags. Each one marks the site of a veteran's grave. I've wandered about and looked at the dates on the markers. I've seen a lot of War 2 and Vietnam service, but the death dates are far removed in time from the actual conflicts. So far, all I've seen is the resting places of the guys who made it home. The flags are a nice gesture, but today isn't our day. Our day is in November.

Today is the day for the ones who didn't come home. As my regiment trains at NTC and elements of my division are deployed in Afghanistan, it's a day to reflect on the terrible price paid when we decide to go to war. I don't think we pay enough attention to the enormity of the cost. Political considerations and budgetary issues dominate the debate, and I rarely hear politicians mention much about the human cost. Speaking as a guy who has loaded body bags on medevac choppers, this disturbs me.

So if you haven't already, take a moment today and think about the young men and women who are dying to achieve our nebulous foreign policy goals. Ask yourself if what we're trying to achieve is worth some more deaths. Personally, I'd like it if this generation doesn't have to keep pulling dog tags off shredded and mangled bodies before loading the remains for transport. But since we're going to continue to ask them to do just that, we'd better make damned sure what we're trying to do is worth the sacrifice.

Dance Selfishly

So, today is Groundhog Day. And Candlemas. And Ayn Rand's birthday. Frankly, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do to celebrate. Do I light a candle and ask a groundhog if acting in my rational self-interest will bring on 6 more weeks of winter? I'm so confused.

I should have celebrated Imbolc yesterday instead of worrying about it today. Setting things on fire and drinking heavily seems to be the Celtic approach to all holidays.

With A New Year Comes The Same Bad Attitude

So, as we gaze into the shiny new decade that stretches before us, we have come to one inescapable conclusion:

People are morons.

Wait, was that our inescapable conclusion for the new decade, or just a reiteration of one of our founding principles and core beliefs? I think it's more the latter.

Okay, let's try this new decade thing again. As we turn our divination towards the future decade and what it might hold, we at YPS can predict one thing with startling clarity:

We are so fucked.

Is that better? It's not a New Year's Resolution or anything that grand, just an observation based on the current administration and the rest of the fine elected officials we have representing us in DC.

Maybe I'm just bitter that I finally had to sober up and come in to work after half of my friends gave booze for my birthday and the holidays. A couple or three bottles of Gentleman Jack and a bottle of Woodford Reserve certainly helped me get into the holiday spirit, or at least mellow me out enough so that I didn't commit any unnecessary acts of holiday violence. To compensate, my lovely wife gave me a new coffee maker. Woo-hoo! Alcohol and caffeine, the modern wage slave's coping mechanisms. I think I'm going to need a lot of both in the coming decade.

MFC 2009 Edition

Once again, we take a break from our usual misanthropy to wish all and sundry a Merry Christmas. We took care of our visiting and gifting yesterday, so we have been laying around the house watching the old Rankin-Bass stop-motion Christmas specials on DVD. After watching most of them one after another, we have come to one inescapable conclusion: Romeo Muller was (or still is) one deeply strange human being. The rest of the Rankin-Bass crew enabled his dementia. If you get a chance, clear your mind of all your childhood memories and watch these shows again. They are freaking bizarre.

As a side note, the minions of the Heat Miser and Freeze Miser are the prototypes for Mini-Me, aren't they?

Veterans Day

I must admit, I'm mildly confused about the name of this particular holiday. I would swear there should be an apostrophe in there, but these guys disagree.

In any event, be kind to a veteran today. I offer my usual suggestion to buy one a drink, but you'll have to disinclude me this year. I'm sitting around at home whacked out on Vicodin after surgery, so I don't think drinking is indicated.

Tasteful Cards

Okay, maybe not so much tasteful as funny. The fine folks at Bluntcard are full of mirth and good cheer to send your fellow man. Given recent discussions about Independence Day fireworks in our subdivision, I found this one particularly appropriate. Although to the best of my limited knowledge, no houses were destroyed during the festivities.

If you prefer something a little more subtle, because this isn't, perhaps you could try the folks at Someecards. Of course, this isn't all that subtle, either. Hmm.

Does Hallmark do e-cards? Maybe you can find good taste and subtlety there.

Back 4 4

Well, we made it back in time for the 4th. Good thing, because I spent a shitload of money on fireworks in South Carolina. Before I go off to turn money into noise and sparkly lights, I leave you with these words from our forefathers.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

Thus began the grandest experiment in government in the history of mankind. I figure it's only appropriate to celebrate the anniversary of our announcement of revolt by blowing things up. So, I"m off to do so.

Blowout, Denial

One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.

Inspiration.
Title.

Club Time

Oh, yeah, since it's Earth Day in some quarters, Arbor Day in others, and Lenin's Birthday in yet others, I have suggestions for appropriate celebrations.

Plant a tree, since Arbor Day is helpful at best and benign at worst and predates Lenin. Well, technically, Lenin predates Arbor Day, but in 1872 nobody knew who the hell Lenin was except his parents. If a tree seems ambitious, throw some flower seeds around.

Now that you have a tree, break off a branch and start smacking dumbass hippies, watermelons, and commies. If you insist on some Leninist connection, drink vodka in the process while screaming about counterrevolutionaries. The revolution in question could be either the American, the Industrial, or both depending on the object of your wrath.

San Jacinto

On this day in 1836, the Republic of Texas stomped Santa Anna's army flat. Lesson of the day for would-be military dictators: post guards.

Drink something Texan to celebrate.

Amateur Hijinks

Once again, it's one of the holidays I've been referring to for years as Amateur Night. Every jackass in America is going to go out today, drink too much green beer, and act like a moron. Since I am growing increasingly old and bitter, I have no patience for the kind of people who are going to go out tonight, drink 3 pints of colored Bud, and act like fools. Repeat after me, boys and girls: Drunkenness is no excuse for poor behavior. It may be a reason, but it's not an excuse, and won't absolve you of any of the consequences of your inebriated behavior. This ties into the whole concept, apparently lost in America today, of holding your liquor. Of course, since this also ties into personal responsibility and knowing your limits, I'm not surprised it's dead.

Anyhow, today is the day when St. Patrick drove the shamrocks out of Ireland and used snakes to explain the Trinity. I think that's it, anyway. I'm a bit confused on details. I will, instead, be hoisting a glass to Oisín. I think he deserves a little notice on a day like today.

In any event, hoist a glass and enjoy the day.

SBT

So, have they passed the stimulus and doomed us all yet? DOOM! DOOM, I say! Anyway, I haven't been paying attention. I figure it's a done deal, my people won't vote for it, and things will continue much as they have with an extra helping of screw the taxpayer. There's not much I can do either way, so I'm moving on. DOOM! Excuse me. Okay, now I'm moving on.

So, a little light essential reading for y'all here. Apparently, not enough people have read it, or anything like it, so I'm bringing it up again. Maybe it'll stick to a few brains.

In other news, the chandelier for the dining room arrived earlier this week.

Let me pause to insert a minor rant about how I spent a ton of money on a brand new house and can't even get light fixtures that are remotely pleasing or paint colors I want. Because the logistics of maybe having more paint colors than beige, beige, off-white, beige, off-white, and beige are just completely insurmountable, right? As is the possibility of having light fixtures in a finish other than shit brown distressed bronze or cheap bling gold. The customer is always right, within a very small subset of possible values for "right". Note that right also does not overlap with attractive for any of the available subsets.

Of course, the instructions for the chandelier were two quarto pages of small diagrams. Not real helpful, and they actually got lost in the packaging for two days. I went to the hardware store and bought a whole bunch of lamp parts. Apparently, cheap chandeliers from China use a thread that is slightly off from anything used in lamps here in America. Who knew? Eventually, I gave up and creatively reconfigured the hardware in the box to make it work. Instructions might have helped here, but it just wasn't to be. Fortunately, I'm fecking brilliant and can manage without them. We should be hanging the chandy sometime this evening if all goes well. If I've done my job, it should light up and not fall down. J is responsible for final aesthetic arrangement and judgment.

I'll also note that Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Why the death or burial (reports differ) of a matryred priest and giving your person gifts came to be connected, I'll never know with any certainty. Regardless, party it up with your peeps and spread the love, unless medically contraindicated. Nobody wants oozing sores as a present, kids.

Belated Cheer

We're a little late around here, so MFC to all. I hope your Christmas was Merry and Santa brought you something you wanted. I was hoping for a little less stupidity from my fellow man, but as always, I was disappointed.

1933 Style, Baby

Today is the official anniversary of the passage of the 21st Amendment and the associated repeal of the 18th Amendment. In a strange twist of fate, the vote by Utah to ratify the amendment made it all legal. Utah is responsible for your being able to legally tie one on tonight. Unless, of course, you are under the age of 21 or happen to live in one of the many existing dry counties. In that case, bootleg you some hooch and tie one on anyway. Don't let the man tell you what to do! Take charge of your own destiny by imbibing large quantities of booze! Tell the nice man down at the liquor store Lou Bega sent you.

I could, if I were inclined, mention the parallels with other substances currently banninated by the feds. However, the bright and astute reader should be able to figure them out fairly quickly. Unless you've been drinking, in which case it might take you a bit longer. Short summary on a Friday afternoon: prohibition doesn't work, mmmkay?

In honor of the occasion, a preferred vendor here at YPS Manor has introduced a commemorative set. On the occasion of Repeal Day, might I suggest a drink or two?

Agent Orange
1 1/2 oz Southern Comfort
1 1/2 oz Jack Daniel's
8 oz orange juice

Mix in a tall glass. Adjust orange juice to taste.

You could also try something simple like a Jack & Coke. Seeing as how it's damned cold around here, (for here, anyway), I feel compelled to suggest something in the way of a hot drink? This one works well, assuming you have some whipped cream.

Coffee Jack
1 oz Jack Daniel's
1 oz Bailey's Irish Cream
Coffee
Whipped Cream

Pour the Jack & Bailey's into a mug. Fill with coffee and garnish with whipped cream.

It actually works okay even if you don't have whipped cream. Of course, you don't have to limit yourself to Jack. I hear bathtub gin was popular during Prohibition, so you might whip yourself up something with gin. Since I don't drink that nasty shit, you're on your own with gin-based comestibles. The prettier, politer, and meaner half of YPS is partial to vodka. A favorite recipe of hers follows.

Vodka Shot
1 1/2 oz Grey Goose, Ketel One, White Gold, or Stolichnaya

Place vodka in freezer. When the consistency resembles Caro syrup, it's time to drink. As J says, "Mixers are for wusses."

If you're feeling a bit less hard, try this.

White Russian
1 1/2 oz Tito's Handmade Vodka
1 1/2 oz Kahlua
Half-and-half or Light cream

Fill cocktail glass with ice. Add Tito's and Kahlua. Fill with light cream and stir to mix.

So have a drink a celebrate your freedom to do so! Or not. Don't let me tell you what to do.

Graduation

N graduates from high school tomorrow. While an accomplishment given she graduated 3rd in her class, it's only the beginning. As we pointed out the other day, she has two more to go to get where she wants to be and this was the easy one. We are both rather proud of the kid, despite the fact we provided only ancillary support for most of the high school career. Well done, N!

Memorial Day 2008

As I sit here getting ready to fire up the grill and drink beer, 3d Armored Cavalry Regiment is on it's third deployment to Iraq.

This time, as in both previous deployments, not all of them will come home.

Remember the fallen.

Light A Fire

It's Beltane. Fire something up. Drive the cattle through the need fire to purify them for the coming season or some such pastoral ritual. What do I know from ancient Celtic rituals? Me, I'm gonna do what I always do on festive and non-festive occasions alike: drink beer.

It's also International Workers' Day. I don't recommend blowing up cops or shooting striking workers in celebration, though. While historically accurate, it's frowned upon in most jurisdictions. I'm not sure what one does to celebrate given those limitations. March outside with a gaggle of deluded communists seems to be the default answer for much of the world. However, I live in Texas. March with communists is never the right answer here, even if it were a good idea in the first place. So I think I'll be skipping any celebration of worker solidarity or WTFever in favor of ancient rituals involving fire. Fire, unlike communists, is at least entertaining and useful.

Holidaze

So, as promised, the update on the non-frying turkey fryer. I’m going to have to say it works very well. It doesn’t quite get you the crispy texture of a fried turkey, but it comes pretty close. It also leaves the interior nice and moist, which I usually find fried turkeys to be lacking. Of course, I brine my turkeys overnight before doing anything with them. I also inject them in key strategic spots with whiskey (JD or Maker’s, whichever bottle is closest). It’s not as quick as the frying, but doesn’t take an extraordinarily long time.

I received for Christmas a Brinkmann electric smoker, so the enabling continues. I fired up the Brinkmann, but it wasn’t working fast enough, so I had to transfer the turducken in question elsewhere for cooking. The Brinkmann looks like it would be nice, as you don’t have to constantly add charcoal and check on it.

I now have more ways and devices to cook outside than I do inside. This is especially bizarre for someone who doesn’t go outdoors much, except to cook and call the dog. A quick recap for the latecomers:

• One gas grill with rotisserie and side burner
• One Weber charcoal kettle grill
• One charcoal tower smoker*
• One electric smoker*
• One oil-less turkey fryer*
• Two burner propane cart*
• Single propane burner

All items marked with asterisks were given to me by my mother-in-law. She takes much vicarious enjoyment from my outdoor cooking.

Anyhow, much gifting and festivities occurred over the holiday season. We gave out a case of liters of vodka over the holidays as gifts. Yes, you look like an alcoholic when you’re buying case quantities and spending over $500 at the liquor store. Best gift received? Probably the X-Box 360 Elite my lovely wife gave me. It is, at least according to Microsoft, the most amazing product ever or some such nonsense.