Snowflake Activism

So, the Russian government, acting out of a deeply held principle of 'gays are icky', is doing all kinds of things to make the LGBTQQIAAP community upset. Something about the Olympics, and making gay illegal again, and I dunno, frankly. It's not one of my pet issues, so I don't keep up.

First off, let's get real. It's Russia. The Russian government is currently headed up by a guy who used to be an enforcer for the KGB. Expecting them to act like college-educated American liberals think everyone should behave strikes me as borderline retarded. I was also in the military back when we spent a lot of times worrying about the Red Hordes rolling through the Fulda Gap and laying waste to the poor Western Europeans. In general, I'm not conditioned to think of Russians as great defenders of human rights for all, and so far, they've borne this view out.

So, anyways, in an attempt to make the Russian government stop hatin' on the homos, a vocal subset of the American LGBTQQIAAPOMGWTFBBQ community is boycotting all things Russian, including Russian vodka like that made by our good friends* at Stolichnaya. Leaving aside the fact that the Stoli sold here in the States comes out of Latvia, the whole thing is kind of incoherent to me. I'm not sure what the point is.

I mean, they can't seriously expect whoever runs Stoli in Russia to publicly come out against the government, can they? I guess the example of Mikhail Khodorkovsky is lost on these people. If you'd like to live a long happy life unencumbered by little things like prisons, you don't publicly challenge the state in Russia. Expecting other people to go to jail for you is a bit presumptuous, I think, especially since nobody here seems inclined to go to Russia and get arrested over the issue.

Honestly, the whole thing stinks of the current generation of slacktivism. Don't figure out an action or a plan likely to cause the change you want to see in the world, do something easy. In this case, drink Skyy or Absolut or Ketel One when you're out getting hammered instead of Stoli or White Gold. Then you can fool yourself into thinking you're doing something about the problem! You're aware! You're fighting the man!

Truth be told, you're still just sitting in a bar getting drunk. The Russian government doesn't give a shit what you drink, and doesn't really care if whichever conglomerate that currently owns Stoli makes a little less money. So, what exactly have you done but make yourself feel better? I sure don't think you've helped anybody in Russia out.

As a final note, actions like this have a long history of not doing a damn thing to influence governments. If SPI Group was doing something objectionable, a boycott is the perfect way to get SPI Group to change behaviors. But boycotting companies to make a government change? It doesn't work so well. Hell, we've boycotted the entire country of Cuba for longer than I've been alive and guess what? The government there is still a bunch of communists with an atrocious human rights record.

But hey, not drinking Stoli makes people feel better and makes them feel like they're doing something. And I am, after all, a libertarian, so, by all means, encourage it! Get your slacktivism on! Just don't be real surprised when your grand master plan of boycotting Latvian vodka doesn't lead to any substantive change in Russia's halls of power.

An addendum: the way to influence Russia through economics is to fuck with their oil and gas exports or their arms exports. Unless you're in the market for a few million cubic feet of natural gas or a dozen or so Sukhois, you're not in a position to matter.

*We have lots of Stoli at YPS Manor, sweetie darling.

Colander Cheese

So, Saturday was our annual pilgrimage to the Texas Renaissance Festival. As usual, we walked around, drank copious amounts, ate fried foods, and bought home decor. Now I have to figure out how to mount swords in the art niches in the rotunda.

As a new feature this year, the RenFest will sell you a bottle of wine so as you wander aimlessly you can swill wine. J took advantage of the offer and spent most of the day sipping on Chocovine. I remained resolute in my desire to drink beer, so she got out of there far cheaper for the day on drinks.

As usual, I wore my shirt giving out free fashion advice to the sartorially challenged. The staff working the RenFest tends to like my shirt. The other patrons? Not so much. The shirt also led to the best line of the day: "I now know what 30 pounds of cottage cheese in a colander looks like."

Also amusing was the young gentleman who wants all of you to know: a bodice is not a shirt. Please wear a shirt, any shirt, under your bodice. Nobody wants to see me in a bodice, shirt or not, but I pass this information along regardless.

We also learned there is a RenFest outside of Austin. We will be examining our schedules and seeing if we can make that work. After all, we drive to Waxahachie every year for Scarborough. Surely we can make it to Austin for a day.

We may go back. So if you're at TRF later this season and see some drunk guy in a kilt wearing a snide t-shirt, it just might be me.

More Beneficience

So, we discussed a few of the .gov's more egregious crimes against the citizenry a while ago. Here's one more to add to the list.

"The government knows it is not stopping drinking by putting poison in alcohol," New York City medical examiner Charles Norris said at a hastily organized press conference. "[Y]et it continues its poisoning processes, heedless of the fact that people determined to drink are daily absorbing that poison. Knowing this to be true, the United States government must be charged with the moral responsibility for the deaths that poisoned liquor causes, although it cannot be held legally responsible."

Want a drink, even though we've made it illegal? Well, go die then. Total body count for the government's poisoning program is estimated to be around 10,000.

People still expect me to believe the government has my best interests at heart.

Petty Dictators

Here's is what the home of the free has fallen prey to: an endless array of petty functionaries and tinpot bureaucrats determined to save you from yourself and get some government revenue in the process.

Today's example is from the city on the bay, San Francisco. Apparently, infusing liquers or other alcoholic beverages requires a special license. This comes as a bit of a shock to most of the bar owners, who were, to the individual, reportedly unaware of the law.

Being a cynical bastard I might think the SF office of the state ABC has figured out a lucrative source of funding via fine for a chronically cash-strapped state. You may find an alternative explanation that doesn't rely on the nature of mankind in general and low-ranking government drones in particular. I'm willing to bet my explanation is more likely to be correct.

Honey

So, in a random impulse purchase at the liquor store I bought a bottle of Seagram's 7 Dark Honey. This goes along with my bottle of Barenschweiger (sp?) and Wild Turkey American Honey. After acquiring 3 bottles of honey liqueur and/or whiskey I thought I had better figure out some drink recipes.

We assume all of our readers are bright enough to come up with the obvious mixers like Coke or what have you. May we suggest using cream soda? We've been through a number of brands after J's initial (and inspired) suggestion. The current favorite is Jones Cream Soda using real cane sugar. Throw some ice in a glass, throw some cream soda in, and top off with a generous amount of Seagram's Dark Honey. Adjust the booze/ice/cream soda ratio to your liking.

I might also suggest making a variation of an Irish Coffee. Here's your ingredient list:

• 2 tablespoon(s) whipped cream
• 1 oz. Seagram's 7 Dark Honey
  
• 3 oz. fresh brewed coffee
• 1 tsp. honey

You should, if you drink at all, be able to figure out how it's assembled.

While we're on the topic, we also heartily suggest using the Jones Cream Soda with other mixers. Take a highball glass and add a shot of 3 Olives Cherry Vodka, a shot of Stoli Vanil, and top off with the Jones. It's very nice. A shot of the Stoli Vanil works well with the Jones, too. You may find other uses if you try.

Snowpocalypso

I must admit I am taking a great deal of joy watching the frozen contents of the heavens drop down upon the greater DC metro area. I am not, strangely for me, taking joy in the misery and suffering of those trapped in the snow, as documented here. I do feel for my friends trapped in the snow, and wish them all the best.

No, I'm just happy I don't live there anymore. From 1979 on and off through 1995 I lived in one of the sleepier Virginia suburbs of DC. I know all too well what the weather is doing to the area. As a result of that knowledge, I live on the Gulf Coast of Texas. It snows about once every 5 years down here. I am enjoying the validation of my lifestyle choice of not living where snow is a regular winter occurrence.

Yes, I may get hurricanes, but you know what? It's warm when they blow through here. For all of you trapped in the snow, I can only second the advice found here.

Stay inside. Dress warmly. Start drinking now.

On that note, I leave y'all to it.

SOTU Drinking Game, YPS Edition

Every political junkie has their particular version of the game, and we at YPS are no exception. The usual game has all kind of topical buzzwords and complicated instructions. While amusing, it's always struck us as counter-productive. You spend more time playing buzzword bingo than actually listening to the content of the speech. Yes, we're the kind of people who watch on C-SPAN.

So our version this year actually requires a bit more thought and only has one rule:

Every time the President proposes something which is facially unconstitutional, drink.

With the exalted n00bliness at the podium, we expect to be hammered in short order.

With A New Year Comes The Same Bad Attitude

So, as we gaze into the shiny new decade that stretches before us, we have come to one inescapable conclusion:

People are morons.

Wait, was that our inescapable conclusion for the new decade, or just a reiteration of one of our founding principles and core beliefs? I think it's more the latter.

Okay, let's try this new decade thing again. As we turn our divination towards the future decade and what it might hold, we at YPS can predict one thing with startling clarity:

We are so fucked.

Is that better? It's not a New Year's Resolution or anything that grand, just an observation based on the current administration and the rest of the fine elected officials we have representing us in DC.

Maybe I'm just bitter that I finally had to sober up and come in to work after half of my friends gave booze for my birthday and the holidays. A couple or three bottles of Gentleman Jack and a bottle of Woodford Reserve certainly helped me get into the holiday spirit, or at least mellow me out enough so that I didn't commit any unnecessary acts of holiday violence. To compensate, my lovely wife gave me a new coffee maker. Woo-hoo! Alcohol and caffeine, the modern wage slave's coping mechanisms. I think I'm going to need a lot of both in the coming decade.

Nuke Geneva

It's the only way to be sure we stop them in their tracks.

Dehydration

Back many years ago, when I was but a lower-case t, the usual advice regarding water consumption was to drink enough water so that your piss is clear. As we get further into the summer, this is still good advice. Drink lots of water and stay hydrated.

On the same note, drinking beer, champagne, and Jack Daniels until the resulting effluvia is clear is not going to help you in the morning with respect to dehydration.

Cynics Unite

So, despite my best attempts to avoid the self-congratulatory circle jerk in DC today, I appear to have failed. Here's the speech. There's a lot of useless dreck, a lot of lip service to our totems and icons, and a whole bunch of no particulars. Come to think of it, it's just like the campaign. My favorite tidbit so far:

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them, that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long, no longer apply.

Really? The endless contention about what the government should be doing and how much it's going to cost and who should pay for it? Those arguments are over?

Bet not. Given some of his appointments, I'm guessing some of the arguments that had simmered down lately are gonna flare back up. I am once again reminded of George Bernard Shaw's famous line:

What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?

Cynicism of the motives of the government and politicians is, in my experience, never misplaced.

Anyhow, I would be only slightly buzzed had I played my version of the Inaugural Speech Drinking Game. I was counting on hope and change for the win, and that would have only got me 5 drinks. Of course, if I slam 5 shots of Knob Creek in a row, that'll probably do it. As I have things to do later on today, it's just not an option. Have one for me instead.

1933 Style, Baby

Today is the official anniversary of the passage of the 21st Amendment and the associated repeal of the 18th Amendment. In a strange twist of fate, the vote by Utah to ratify the amendment made it all legal. Utah is responsible for your being able to legally tie one on tonight. Unless, of course, you are under the age of 21 or happen to live in one of the many existing dry counties. In that case, bootleg you some hooch and tie one on anyway. Don't let the man tell you what to do! Take charge of your own destiny by imbibing large quantities of booze! Tell the nice man down at the liquor store Lou Bega sent you.

I could, if I were inclined, mention the parallels with other substances currently banninated by the feds. However, the bright and astute reader should be able to figure them out fairly quickly. Unless you've been drinking, in which case it might take you a bit longer. Short summary on a Friday afternoon: prohibition doesn't work, mmmkay?

In honor of the occasion, a preferred vendor here at YPS Manor has introduced a commemorative set. On the occasion of Repeal Day, might I suggest a drink or two?

Agent Orange
1 1/2 oz Southern Comfort
1 1/2 oz Jack Daniel's
8 oz orange juice

Mix in a tall glass. Adjust orange juice to taste.

You could also try something simple like a Jack & Coke. Seeing as how it's damned cold around here, (for here, anyway), I feel compelled to suggest something in the way of a hot drink? This one works well, assuming you have some whipped cream.

Coffee Jack
1 oz Jack Daniel's
1 oz Bailey's Irish Cream
Coffee
Whipped Cream

Pour the Jack & Bailey's into a mug. Fill with coffee and garnish with whipped cream.

It actually works okay even if you don't have whipped cream. Of course, you don't have to limit yourself to Jack. I hear bathtub gin was popular during Prohibition, so you might whip yourself up something with gin. Since I don't drink that nasty shit, you're on your own with gin-based comestibles. The prettier, politer, and meaner half of YPS is partial to vodka. A favorite recipe of hers follows.

Vodka Shot
1 1/2 oz Grey Goose, Ketel One, White Gold, or Stolichnaya

Place vodka in freezer. When the consistency resembles Caro syrup, it's time to drink. As J says, "Mixers are for wusses."

If you're feeling a bit less hard, try this.

White Russian
1 1/2 oz Tito's Handmade Vodka
1 1/2 oz Kahlua
Half-and-half or Light cream

Fill cocktail glass with ice. Add Tito's and Kahlua. Fill with light cream and stir to mix.

So have a drink a celebrate your freedom to do so! Or not. Don't let me tell you what to do.

Get Bombed 3 Times

At the asscrack of dawn today, 63 years ago, the United States government ushered in the dawn of a new era by blowing the ever-loving crap out of a chunk of deserted New Mexico real estate. We understood the power of the atom and used it to turn some sand into radioactive glass. Yay, us.

In the 63 years since then, we have notably managed to not destroy all life on earth as we know it. The genre of post-apocalyptic sci-fi really dates from the Atomic Era, and so far very few of the bleak dystopias imagined have come to pass. Personally, I'm not at all disappointed.

Anyhow, in celebration of the glorious event, here's a drink recipe shamelessly pulled off the internet. I have modified it for easier understanding by non-metric drinkers.

Atomic Bomb

Take a double jigger of good beer.
Place in bottom of pint glass.
Fill remainder of pint glass with Aquavit.
Drink.

If you're a little less prone to drinking pints of mouthwash Aquavit you might try reversing the mix. That strikes me as a wee bit more palatable, but what do I know? Also, you won't end up passed out on the floor after 2 of them.

Musical suggestions to accompany the evening's libation:

Atom Bomb by Fluke
We Will All Go Together When We Go by Tom Lehrer
Atomic by Blondie

Similarly themed music may be substituted at your discretion, but these are what's on the NAS that come immediately to mind.

Now, go drink up and enjoy a Happy Trinity Day.