The Vice President Debates

So I expected Dick Cheney to completely annihilate John Edwards last night, and the gentleman never disappoints. Now, anyone who reads YPS knows the great admiration I have for the Vice President, so yeah, I go in with a bit of an agenda. However, today I am thrilled to report that it was such an absolute put away that even the liberal media is calling it a draw.

Vice President Cheney pulled out the performance that President Bush should have last week. Now don’t get me wrong, I still don’t concede that Kerry “won” last week. You can’t tell lie after lie and win like Kerry did, no matter how slick you come off on appearance. So, no…Kerry did not outperform. I just think that the President was a little flatter than usual. The President should have finished Kerry off and just didn’t.

Not the man Cheney, however. Ate that boy up like catfish, he did. Edwards threw out all the canned talking points he had in the first 1 or 2 questions and Cheney proceeded to indulge in a late night feast. Behold, the feast of knowledge! Cheney had the facts, the figures, and the optimism to present the face of the country where I live. I was especially glad he pointed out his role as President of the Senate and Edwards' failure to do the work he was elected to do. In short, Cheney again proved himself as steady, sure, and the true statesman.

Edwards ended up in a stuttering twitter, resorting to crying oddities like “Halliburton”, “plastic guns” (how does that work?), and “meals on wheels” (huh?). He also has this hand gesture where he makes a fist, thumb out and up, and proceeds to pump it in a vertical motion, like he’s masturbating. It was far more distracting than “Little Johnhimself.

To sum up Edwards’ performance: he whacked off, spewed early, got spanked, and passed out. Me? Oh, I was cheering at the spectacle.

A specific issue that hit me is, that I will need to be looking for the fall out from the HomoDonk contingent, as Edwards proceeded to alienate the hell out of them. When asked about homosexual issues, Edwards backtracked to a previous question, awkwardly talked about Dick Cheney’s daughter, and spent the last 10 seconds clearly stating his opposition to gay marriage. He then meekly played all over the question about domestic AIDS. I don’t think at this point that Kerry/Edwards can afford for any of their loosely aligned factions to stay home, but Edwards performance in this respect may have just kept an influential group of Democrat butts at home on election day.

Out on the news front, I think the best short I’ve heard today was Rush Limbaugh’s comment that last night John Edwards finally found a client (John Kerry) he couldn't defend. Further funny coverage comes today from Hog on Ice, so go and laugh at his stuff from yesterday and today.


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