Puppets?

Ace has a post up about a Weekly World News article. Apparently, a small tribe is worshiping Selma Hayek’s breasts. Not a bad choice, but not necessarily the one I’d make.

I have a longstanding fondness for the Weekly World News. They have all the journalistic credibility of say, CBS, but at least they admit right up front they’re making things up. CBS doesn’t give you that courtesy. When I was in the required high school government class, we were forced to bring in a news article once a week for current events. I usually picked articles from WWN, just to annoy my teacher. Besides, all the suck-ups were bringing in article about how Reagan was going to destroy the universe or some other political nonsense. After 30 minutes of that, everybody needs a good two-headed cow or space aliens ate my livestock story.

Anyhow, I didn’t learn much from either story except that Ace is a late bloomer (26? What’s up with that?). I was, however, disturbed by one of the lines in the story. At some point, the article (not Ace) refers to “sweater puppets”. I’m okay with many, many synonyms for “breasts”. But sweater puppets? I find this faintly disturbing. I’m reminded of the South Park episode where the ski instructor girl had little mewling heads for breasts. Puppets implies the wrong shape and entirely too much activity. It’s especially disturbing if you start thinking about the kinds of puppets. Sock puppets? Marionettes? String puppets? Muppets? All of them suggest some bizarre and unsettling images to me, but maybe I’m alone in that.