Ugly Truth Revealed

I always knew those sneaky flip-tops were not to be trusted. Now I have proof! I urge all patriotic Americans to be on their guard against infiltration from the North. Treat all Canadians and anyone wearing a maple leaf with the suspicion and opprobrium they so richly deserve.

Of course, if the Canadians keep up their current course, they’ll be disarmed. The foolish Canucks don’t realize that we have encouraged the Liberal Party to disarm the civilian population over the past 50 years. When we decide to invade and take the annoying quasi-socialist bastards over they will be unable to resist. Then we can gut their nationalized health care system and take all their oil. Those who resist will be forcibly deported to France and/or England, depending on their primary language. The Maritimes will be spun off as separate protectorates, much like Puerto Rico. Alberta and Saskatchewan will be considered for admission as full states, following a suitable probation period. Quebec (both province and city) will be bulldozed and replanted as a nature preserve. I’m unaware of the details of what happens to the rest of the country. I hear large portions will be sold to Disney so a sort of Super EPCOT can be built. Frankly, it’s Canada. If I didn’t deeply mistrust the sneaky flip-tops enough to assure myself of their eventual destruction and assimilation, I wouldn’t even know this much.

The doom of Canada approaches, though. Rest assured that we will someday eradicate the scourge of the North from our doorstep. Dominion shall be ours.


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