What is that Giant Sucking Sound?

So Bill’s having a bypass and I’m having my cynical thoughts. Follow me and re-shoe the foot, if you will. Pretend for a small exercise that we are talking about a Democrat incumbent, the day after his big successful convention speech, with a big bounce on the horizon, and a former Republican President is checked into the hospital for heart surgery. What would be the questions asked by the leftist talking hairdos? Here are the ones I can come up with on the fly.

(assume typical annoying, patronizing tone of voice here)

“The former President stated that he had been having chest pains for a few days, so is it more than a coincidence that he chose to steal the spotlight from the incumbent and go to the hospital the very day after such a successful speech?

“Is it any surprise, given his consistent fast food diet, that he would have coronary problems at such a young age?”

“Some (always the famous “some”) are wondering if this is why he refused to release his medical records for the 8 years of his Presidency? Does he have a medical history of heart problems he was hiding from the American people? Did he ever have heart problems while in office? Was his confidence in his Vice President so shaken that he was hiding it from him also? What did the Vice President know, and when did he know it? Who was really running the government?”

“Is the former President intentionally avoiding campaigning with his party’s nominee this year? Is there a rift in the party? Is he attempting to set up his party’s candidate to lose so that he can clear the way for his wife’s nomination in 2008?”

(insert dramatic pause)

OK, enough, I’m tired.

Thank goodness this didn’t happen while Bulbous Bill was actually in office, or the VRWC would’ve been suspect number one…Newt Gingrich would've run a close second. Furthermore, Al “screaming flopsweat” Gore would’ve assumed the duties of the President and as unhinged as he is, he probably would’ve done something either disasterous or embarrassing to the country. He would’ve been flailing about, attempting to sign Kyoto, or peeing on the White House lawn, leaving wet sweat prints all over the oval office furniture, or maybe violently bellowing some insanity at a foreign dignitary. Who knows, the man is insane.

Back to commentary on the current Democrat candidate, I’m betting that John Kerry is secretly heaving one huge sigh of relief, having that self-promoting egomaniac relatively bedside and not spewing his annoying brand of charisma all over the campaign trail. Let’s face it, it must be painful to constantly have to perpetrate the lie that Clinton has a coattail to help anybody other than himself get elected. Not even a remnant of wedgied underpants has he. Of course, a lot of the press coverage today has been all about President “Super Size” and his secret hospital sexcapades. Yeah, so there have been no official reports of Clinton trying to get a sponge bath out of nurse Ratchet, but you know in your heart he did it anyway.

I half heard on some news report at work, via streaming radio, about how Senator Kerry’s “message” is being drowned out by the former President’s illness. What does that say to me? That still--confined and from a hospital bed--Bill Clinton is sucking the life out the Democratic Party.


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