Vote Or Stay Home

Election tomorrow, in case you happened to have just crawled out from under your rock after a period of hibernation. I'd tell you how to vote, but you won't listen and will perpetuate the problem.

On the one hand, we've got a guy who has been in the Senate for a lifetime and was a career military man before he got elected. He's a part of the establishment with every fiber of his being. Don't expect novel solutions and out of the box thinking. The campaign he ran should be ample proof.

On the other hand, we've got a guy committed to ideologies which have been proven to fail spectacularly. He also has a distressing lack of experience doing much of anything.

There are some other choices available on the ballot, but they won't win, so who cares.

A friend asked me this morning if I don't trust the American public to pick a competent leader. If there was a competent leader on the ballot, that might be an issue. But there isn't, and I don't. This election may be the final proof I need to confirm a suspicion I have. I suspect, in the aggregate, we're too goddamned stupid to handle the running of a constitutional republic. If that's the case, let's burn it down and start over.

Voting

I have decided my plan for the final few days of this election season. I'm praying for a freak dual meteor strike to clear the efenant and donk top slot so we can have a do-over with better candidates. I'm uncertain as to which deity is the controlling authority for an incident of this nature, so I'm throwing a few words at all of them I can remember. I figure if Jesus won't hook me up, Cthulhu might. I'll freely admit it ain't much of a plan, but it beats drinking myself into a stupor so I don't have to listen to the blathering.

As long as we're on the subject, here's how a bunch of other people are voting. I think the short summation is as follows.

A) voting is for suckers
B) McCain, because Obama will screw things up
C) Obama, because the GOP is the suck
D) Barr, because both major parties suck

Pick one and move on. However, if you're in need of a good reason for the vote you've already decided to cast, maybe you can swipe a more eloquent version than my list.

I have to admit, the drinking myself into a stupor still sounds like a pretty good fallback plan if the meteors fail to appear.

Humbug and Bother

I'm tired of this election season. I want both major party candidates banished to the Island of Misfit Mascots while they contemplate their sins. Neither Obiden nor McPalin has a whole lot to offer me except further erosion of the Constitution and unsustainable spending. I can't really support either one of those policies.

So instead of the insightful commentary you've come to expect from us, even if it is heavily cribbed from Will this year, I offer you some semi-frivolity.

Does anybody here consider epistemology frivolous? Just me? Well, here's an article on the nature of truth as discerned by Wikipedia.

Death, incest, chaos and the fall of the clan of Volsung. Hmm. That's not really frivolous either, is it?

Well, since I did say I would provide some frivolity, here's an exhaustive list of what frivolity will not be tolerated.

I know. Here, fun for all and frivolity should abound.

Today I Had a John McCain Revelation

For the better part of a decade, I have commented that John McCain would be better off to be sent home by his constituents to take up a hobby and stop being a menace to the rest of us from his office in the Senate. So imagine my shock and horror when the man actually became the nominee for the political party with which I most identify. It has been perplexing me this entire campaign season, which is why I've posted so little about politics this round, as I know how I loathe the man and cannot bring myself to cast a ballot for him. I attempted to rationalize by saying that I am only voting against his freaky-ass, Hitler-like Socialist opponent, but it still brings me back to marking the box next to McCain's name, and that just isn't going to happen. That is why I decided this year to cast my ballot for the Libertarian candidate, Bob Barr. At least Barr has mostly the right ideas about where our country needs to head.

That aside, I have many friends who are in a similar situation to me with regard to their distaste for McCain; however, they believe (much like I do honestly) that the ballot I will be casting for Barr will be in essence a "wasted ballot". I am calling it a protest, but many of my friends don't want to protest because they're too afraid of what an Obama administration might mean. So, they, despite my attempted influence, cannot bring themselves to vote for Barr. Well friends, fret no more! I have finally pontificated a reason for you to march with pride right into that election room and proudly cast your ballot for John McCain: term limits.

I know you're thinking I'm delirious, but follow my reasoning. McCain will probably be re-elected to the Senate for as long as he wants to sit there and fester, coddle Democrats, and push anti-constitutional legislation; BUT, if he's elected President, he is only constitutionally allowed to serve for a maximum of 8 years. He then goes the hell home to hang out at the VFW, the American Legion, or whatever it is he does in his spare time. We get to say, "sayonara old dude" and he's out of our collective hair. Imagine the prospect of knowing that we will have to contend with John McCain for only 8 more years MAX. It brings a smile to my face and a gleam to my eye just imagining it.

Some might say, "well, you could make the same argument about Obama," but you can't and here's the difference. McCain actually does shit in the Senate, scary, horrible shit. Obama, on the other hand, is the exact type Senator you want if a collection of imbeciles are going to be stupid enough to continue to vote him in there. He's useless, worthless, and does nothing. Let him sit right there in his Senate office and pick his giant nose until he drops dead. Half the time he's not going to show up to as much as vote anyway. Put Obama in the White House and you're going to bring all of his Communist puppeteers and fellow travelers with him. These losers will take over an entire branch of government, appoint enough Justices to screw up another, and because Obama is such an eloquent speech reader, we're going to have to listen to him extol the virtues of Marxism for probably 8 years. Think about the delicate ears of our children! BLEAGH, no thanks. We're having enough trouble with the socialist retards in the Congress ruining our economy, so there's no reason to shift them around to all 3 branches of government.

McCain, on the other hand, is so damned boring, nobody will listen. He'd probably appoint justices at least better than David Souter, who is at least better than Ruth Bader Ginsburg (kinda). He has a horrible rotten temper, which is probably just the kind of guy I want facing off with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad with his hand squarely on the button O' doom. In short, he can hold the spot and be mostly harmless for 8 years until we can get Sarah Palin into the job. I really like her and look forward to the opportunity to vote for her someday.

Predictably False

So, browsing back though the archives, it appears I made the prediction Fred would be the Veep pick for the McCainiac. Again, that goes down as a loss. I'm going to have strong words for the tech support people on my crsytal ball if I ever get off hold. So far my predictions for the current election cycle have been dismal failures. On that note, I'm going to venture the prediction that Barack Obama will win the election.

Now I'm gonna go cross my fingers and hope my record remains consistent.

Inspired Choice

Okay, so I'm still not voting for John McCain. I'm making that clear right now. He could have picked James Madison's ghost as his running mate and I'd still pass. I won't vote for somebody who has demonstrated not only a complete misunderstanding of the Constitution but an active hostility to same. So McCain, no matter who he picked as VP, was not getting my vote.

Having said that, Sarah Palin was possibly the best pick he could make given the need to shore up his support among the base. Let's face it, both McCain and Obama were not going into the fall with the complete support of their respective 30%. Sarah Palin is one of the few people he could have picked that would get him a lot more support among the efenant base. Really, I have to give big points to the McCain team for this one. They may still lose the race, but they're playing smart politics.

Fun with the RNC

So J forwarded to me a listing of the scheduled happenings at the RNC. Once again, it’s a hearty round of patting each other on the back for the obvious wisdom in choosing John McCain as the nominee. Unless he subsequently loses, in which case they'll invent some convoluted reason why it's not their fault.

In that vein, each day of the convention has a theme of one of John McCain’s values or virtues or delusional self-aggrandizing traits. Something, anyway. Each day is kicked off in the schedule with a quote from everybody’s favorite crazy old man, JMcC. Of particular amusement to me is the quote for day 2: Reform.

If you find faults with our country, make it a better one. If you are disappointed with the mistakes of government, join its ranks and correct them.

I guess if you view the drastic expansion of the federal state as a problem, you’re supposed to fix it by… participating in the expansion of the state? I think the portion of my brain that handles logic just exploded. Besides that fundamental issue, isn’t it telling that his Senatorialness thinks the only way to fix government is to join it? Apparently all of us citizens out here going about our lives shouldn’t expect other people to reform the government for us. Other people like THE FUCKING IGNUTS WE ELECTED TO RUN THE GOVERNMENT, PERHAPS? Pardon the outburst, but this is a rough election season for me. I guess he thinks one can't do anything to effectively reform the government from the outside. Should I be surprised he missed the whole petition for redress of grievances part of the amendment he hates the most? Probably not.

I also find amusing the RNC’s insistence McCain “has dedicated his career to taking on special interests and the status quo”. I can dismiss this particular bit of blatherskite with two simple words: Charles Keating. Additionally, we can note that Johnny Mac has no problems gutting the First Amendment to aid a particularly small special interest group of which he is a member. One might also, and I will, note the absolutely implausible idea of a guy who has spent the last 20 years in the U.S. Senate being a fighter against the status quo. McCain hasn’t quite ossified into his chair like others I could name (Byrd, Inouye, and Kennedy for starters) but he’s part of the freaking status quo. I have a voting age person in my house who wasn’t yet born the year he took office, but he’s gonna fight the status quo! I hope he starts by slapping the shit out of himself and Russ Feingold. I'll buy tickets for the PPV broadcast.

Moving on, day 3 is going to be a lecture on “Prosperity”. Given that McCain has so far in the election displayed the economic understanding of an incontinent tree frog, I can’t imagine how he thinks he’s qualified to discuss prosperity. A guy who has spent his entire life completely insulated from any real job market is perhaps not qualified to explain the American Dream and the achievement thereof to the rest of us. We can’t all spend our entire adult lives working for the gummint, John. Also, bringing out Carly Fiorina to talk about prosperity is kind of ironic, isn’t it? Should I call my buddies who lost their jobs after the HP-Compaq merger to ask their opinions? Or is the 50% drop in share price during her tenure as HP CEO sufficient evidence without resorting to anecdote? Again, we can’t all get millions of dollars in severance after running a multi-billion dollar company into the ground.

I’m glad I’m not going to Minneapolis for the convention, because my liver can’t take the amount of booze I’d have to drink to make it through. Listening to this crap sober for four days would make me wanna cockpunch (or crotchpunch, to be gender-neutral) every sumbitch wearing a GOP pin.

Comedy Gold Mine Erupts

As much as I despise their politics, goals, and ideology, I would like to take a moment to applaud the Green Party for the service they have provided all of us. By nominating Cynthia McKinney as their presidential candidate, they have guaranteed some great comic moments will occur this election season. Well done, Greens. Y'all aren't any closer to getting anyone to take you seriously, but you've made sure people will pay attention, if only to see what kind of disaster will ensue.

This is going to be comedy gold, I tell you. I can't wait for the whackjob conspiracy theories and punching of random people. Remember who to blame when she loses, folks. It's not the American public ignoring the watermelon crazies. It's the J.E.W.S!

I'll also note the VP candidate, Rosa Clemente, apparently doesn't realize she's not running against the current administration. In her remarks at the convention, she noted she was ready to debate Dick Cheney. Which is fine and all, but since he's not running for anything, I don't see why he would. Maybe she should be willing to debate McCain's VP pick, whoever that turns out to be. Or she could debate Wayne Root now. That'd be some quality debatin', right there.

In any event, we'll see what happens with the crazies. Further updates when they cross my radar again.

The Candidates Weigh In

The presidential candidate of choice around these parts has weighed in with his opinion on today's ruling. Of course, since he wrote the LP amicus brief for the case, I think we can guess which side he was on.

Everybody's favorite reading comprehension impaired candidate issued a statement hilarious for the lack of self awareness it displays. Two gems:

Unlike the elitist view that believes Americans cling to guns out of bitterness, today's ruling recognizes that gun ownership is a fundamental right- sacred, just as the right to free speech and assembly.

So, we can expect a bipartisan assault on gun rights cosponsored by Sen. McCain when, exactly?

This ruling does not mark the end of our struggle against those who seek to limit the rights of law-abiding citizens.

True enough. You're still a Senator, so there's work yet to be done on that front.

The asshat who locked up the donk nomination has yet to release a statement. It'll be hard for him to reconcile his statement that the DC law was constitutional with the fact the Supreme Court said it ain't. Some constitutional scholar he is.

Soon Enough

The Supreme Court is busily handing out opinions for the cases heard in the 2007 session. 4 came out yesterday, and 22 remain. In the remaining cases one is of particular interest around here. I refer, of course, to District of Columbia v. Heller, which centers on the 2^nd Amendment. While the court cogitates, here’s an interview with the lead attorney for the case.

I am, like the rest of the hardcore RKBA community, awaiting the decision impatiently. I don’t think we’ll get everything we’d like, but I don’t think we’ll get fucked over either. A sort of unhappy medium will be reached, despite Obamarama’s contention that DC’s gun laws are constitutional. They’re not, and a guy who is supposedly a “constitutional scholar” should know what the actual document says. Of course, running against him is a guy who has spent his entire adult life sworn to uphold and defend a document he has apparently never read.

On that note, have you considered an alternative to either one of the donkelphant nominees this fall?

Waiting on the T-Shirt

And I still don't intend on voting for the guy...

Crow Sure Is Tasty

So, a little under a year ago I made the following statement:

Then we can go back to ignoring the pesky outsiders and focus on the true candidates, like John McCain. After all, he’s going to win the Republican nomination right around the 12^th of Never, so he must be a serious contender.

Checking my watch and calendar, I see the 12th of Never has yet to arrive and John McCain is indeed the Republican nominee for the presidency. So, I think I'll score a loss in the prognosticatin' column of my politics scorecard, which will keep my my electoral losses company. I'd say I'll be happy if McCain loses, but I'm going to be unhappy whoever wins the election.

Vote For The Last Time

Since we have put the house on the market and signed the contract on the new house, J has decided to not run for precinct chair after the primary. This means the primary tomorrow will be the last time I will be working the polls for the foreseeable future. So, for the final time, I will exhort you to go and vote and be nice to your election workers. After tomorrow, I won’t care if you decide the appropriate course of action is to pelt election workers with rancid gummi bears. I won’t approve and you’ll be an asshole for doing it, but since you won’t be pelting me I won’t get too incensed about it.

If you’re voting donk, vote for the candidate least likely to win the general election. I have no idea which one that is, although current polling data suggests Clinton. You won’t be in my polling place in any event. Don’t forget to caucus, lest your vote be overturned by the machinations of your local donk activists. Don’t let that happen to you! Caucus, and demand your rights, loudly and often! Don’t take no guff from nobody! How you voted is how that caucus should go, and say so as loudly and vociferously as possible! Make your viewpoint heard, as often as possible!*

If you’re voting efenant, I humbly suggest Ron Paul on top and anybody other than Her Majestic Pinkness in the CD22 race. Honestly, out of all the people running, any random selection would have to do a better job than her. If you can’t vote for Paul, and think McCain is quite possibly a manifestation of the antichrist, uncommitted may be your option. Just don’t vote for the Huckabeeste, because, despite what I was told this weekend, we do not need a “spiritual godfather” in the White House. The phrase makes me think of a grinning Baptist Don Corleone. Pass national health care and a flat tax or get a horse’s head in your bed and a sermon when you complain about it. Anyhow, if you’re voting efenant, there is no caucus after the election, so don’t show up. There’s nothing to accomplish except boring party business.

*If even one person takes this advice and makes the donk precinct chair's night miserable, I can sleep in peace knowing I have done something for humanity today.

Vice Presidential Dreams

So Mittens bailed out in an attempt to make himself look statesman-like for his 2012 run at the prize. People are now asking the inevitable question: who will McCain, as nominee presumptive, pick as his VP? If he picks Huckabeeste, it’s all over but the crying. Whichever donk wins the nomination will beat that ticket like a redheaded stepchild. Of course, I predicted Fred as the eventual winner. My crystal ball is apparently a bit murky when it comes to politics.

I can, however, tell you who it won’t be: Ron Paul. Somebody floated that absurd idea at me the other day and it was more than I could do to not laugh at the poor soul. First, the fact the Washington establishment is not overly enamored of the good Doctor comes into play. McCain is nothing if not an insider. He shares many viewpoints with a lot of the elitist asshats in DC, and Ron Paul isn’t a part of that club. Conversely, why the hell would Ron Paul want to take the VP slot with an asshat like McCain in the pilot seat? He would have little or no influence, and wouldn’t see any of his ideas implemented. Plus, when McCain acts like the crazy old man he is, Paul gets tarred by association.

The final reason is the brutally pragmatic one. I would not take odds on anybody who gets elected with Ron Paul as their VP surviving their term of office. Somebody out there would decide that Ron Paul as President was worth the price, and try to take McCain out.

Look for Thompson to be the VP pick. Romney won’t take it because he has dreams of 2012, and nobody else registered enough interest with voters to matter.